So, I guess this is my first blog on here . Be forewarned, I'm typing from a phone and this makes me prone to poor writing and overlooked auto correct errors….so, please visit excuse anything like that. I'll try to proofread This.Anyhow, I'm not good t the moment. Look, I hate to sound desperate or weak or whatever word to properly describes how I will probably sound right now but geez. I'm just sick of being alone. I need a human connection. I don't have anyone that I c an really share myself with and not to mention the need for physical contact/nurturing. I'm just Gina write even if some of it is embarrassing. I realized the other day with the dawning of the new year that it has been going on 10 years since I started a serious relationship. I cant believe it's been this long. That relationship lasted a bit over 2 years and since then I've had a few short lived girlfriends , a fwb for a time…but I just really miss having someone. The absence of such is really getting to me…now after that realization especially.Itwoukdnt be so bad if I could rationalize it. But I can't. I believe I'm at least reasonably attractive. I'm pretty smart. In skilled. For fucks sake, I'm a musician, massage therapist and a firefighter… shouldn't that win me some points. I have plenty of very positive qualities. I may be fairly reserved, but I do have a certain confidence in myself. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or what I've done to deserve this.Maybe I just don't meet or have theoppotunity to meet enough people. That's all I can do to keep this from driving me completely crazy….but it's still really bothering me. I mean, I do the things I do to serve my own ambitions and desires, but I want to share myself with someone. I have wonderful things to offer to a companion. I'm so frustrated. Joining the fire dept has dine wonders for making me not want to drive off a bridge anymore. I have purpose now and reason beyond not wanting to upset my family to keep rash thoughts from creep in g into my mind where they always used to lurk, I have a community to tend to. I have a life to build. Why can't I find someone to share this with me. It just eats at me so. I haven't even had a good pen pal since 2010 that I could really at least share my feelings with. I don't know what else to do other than vent here. It hasn't seem to have helped unto itself…hopefully once I hit submit I'll feel vaguely better. I think hitting submit and having a beer might be a good plan. Anyways, please share something that may be of comfort if you can. Or say hi and lets talk. I'm not asking for anything more.

1 Comment
  1. Sno 7 years ago

    Trustyourself – meeting people…women, has always been a challenge for me for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I'm not terribly outgoing or talkative generally. I can be at times, but just jumping into conversation with a woman at the grocery store or when out and about is but the easiest exercise. I have some degree of anxiety. About 5 years back, I mentioned to a close friend thatI thought I might have anxiety issues ( on top of depression which I knew had been an issue for some time) and his response was 'well I could have told you that!' So, yeah…anxiety may be more of an issue at play than I note. Also, I tend to only become interested in a person if I get to know them. Looks and physical attraction are important, but personality and skills are what really captivate my attention. Fear of rejection may stand in the way of me getting to know random people more readily. I can also partially blame living in a small town for some of my woes, but I have also lived in large cities and had trouble meeting people there. I think I need to be mire carefree when out in general public. I tend to have tunnel vision when I'm out at places. I'm the route that will shy away from making random eye contact with women. I don't believe they should feel like they're being oggled and I hate setting some of my friends when they will just straightup lock on and state at women that feels dirty to me. It's aggravating, I feel as the male that im expected and being waited on to make the first move, but at the same time women are defensive, or I expect them to be defensive because there are so many sleezeball guys out there. I just need more of a devil may care attitude towards my interaction with women and in simply creating interaction with women

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