I know I haven't been much of a presence here lately like I usually am, but so many changes are happening. I won't have near as much computer time as before so please don't feel like I don't care if I don't stop by but once every few days. I'm just really busy.
Zach's first day of school was chaotic and stressful. Between having to take him to school in the morning and bring in all his supplies and then leaving him there (which I HATED), then spending the whole day on the phone and the computer trying to get all my info and needed paperwork squared away for the substitute position, and then getting called into work last night and the registers being messed up all night long, I was a mess. And I'm STILL having tummy issues. Not as bad as before, but still problematic nonetheless. Going to the walk-in clinic tomorrow. Don't have time today. Gotta get stuff done and then go to work tonight. Ugh. I'm so worn out!
Seems to me like a lot of us are suffering the 'summertime blues'. I hate that. I finally saw my therapist on Tuesday night and admitted that I'm depressed. We talked about it and came to the conclusion that most of it has to do with the whole "pink elephant" issue with Aaron and I, and was extremely supportive of the decision to go to marital therapy.
I think I pushed myself into a minor hypomanic episode this week and now I'm starting to come down. It amazes me how I can be hypomanic yet still depressed at the same time. I know about mixed states and they're one of my most despised parts of this illness. I want to sleep, I crave sleep, but I can't sleep. I just lie there awake thinking and thinking. I hate feeling like I'm trapped in my bed by the animals and not wanting to wake my husband. But that's how I feel.
Today there's nobody home but me, and I'm okay with that. I need the down time to try to calm myself down and get on level. I need to stop the hypomania in it's tracks and to do that I have to have a very quiet environment with very little stimulation of any sort. So I'm going to go inside where it's fairly dark (we have the blinds closed so that we keep the air conditioning bill down some) and quiet, and lie down on the couch and rest.
I'm going to work again tonight, and I'm very anxious about it. I have 1 HOUR to learn a completely different register system they've changed to, and then boom! I have to be able to use it without help for the rest of the night. After 7:30 p.m. I'm on my own with nobody to help me if I get stuck! Arrghhhhh! I hate it! (sigh) At least I'll have 10 hours on my check next week…
I haven't decided if I'm going to quit Winn-Dixie altogether or keep it as a part-time position. I guess I'll see how it goes when I start substituting and then make an informed decision about it.
That's it from me today. Need to go take care of myself and hide from the world for awhile. Love you all and hope Thursday is okay for you. (((HUGS)))