It has been a longggggg time since I've posted anything on here, to be honest it's been a while since I've logged on. Just thought I'd write to let people know how I been and what's going off right now with my life. I set this account up a year ago today. I was nearly 20 and this helped me through alot of things at the time. Now, one week from today I turn 21! And my life has changed so much, for the better but some things not so good. I've managed to get back on my feet and start university again, unlike last time, I have stuck to it, although a struggle, I've passed my module, which is so much better than when I was at university 2 years ago. I am looking forward to a possible work experience to help me out. I managed to go away on holiday last year alone, time to myself, to explore things and new culture for myself, not have anyone to bother me. I've become such an independant person and realised that although I still love my ex boyfriend and we are quite close, I don't need him in order to feel alive. I've not felt suicidal in a good few months I'd say, although it gets hard at times I'm still able to supress the thoughts and continue with something else, therefore not acting on them. Things are working out great right now. Hopefully for my 21st I manage to collect enough money together so I can go away again this year, fingers crossed.
The only bad point I can think off, that's going off right now is my anxiety. Everything else seems to of calmed down for now and I'm learning to control and deal with things easier, but the anxiety just doesn't give me a break. I've been in and out of hospital and doctors trying to find out what's wrong with my chest and heart as I've been suffering with severe pain for over 2 months now, also had breathing difficulties aswell as palpiations and skipping heart beats,it's been put down to anxiety and part of me thinks it is and I'm just panicing but there's no way an anxiety attack lasts over that long :/ maybe some of you guys can help me? Anyone ever experienced something similar? I'm scared because I know there's tablets for anxiety but they are also anti depressants (well majority of them are that doctors prescribe) and I don't want anti depressants or any mood alterating drug, just something to take the pain away and calm the anxiety down. I haven't been suicidal, as I've said, but this pain does make me want to jump in front of a bus. It's just enduring pain and sudden shocks of pain throughout and I can't be doing with it. Just want it to stop. Please help anyone? Although to be fair, I hope no one goes through this much pain.
Leave you guys with that anyway,
Hope everyone else is all good?.