I know i rearly write on anything good, but if i had something good to write about i would. Everything is so messed up! I thought things were getting better, but wow! i was so wrong. Now it's like i'm being torn 20 different ways all at once…every one just keeps pushing and pulling and prying it's making me crazy…i'm trying not to let it seem so bad to my boy friend. I dont want him to think i'm crazy, but i din't sleep at all last night and it's getting late tonight…looks like it will be day 3 before i sleep again…He knows something is up but i can't talk about it…i can write about it some what here, but when i try to actually "talk" about it i feel like very one will just think i'm crazy and weak. I just dont know what else there is left for me to do. Pills worked for like 2 days….therapy dosen't help….i''m really looseing it and i dont want to …not again. I feel so STUpid…sitting in the datk late at night on a computer because i'm so fucked up that i can't talk to anyone in person. This web site is like my only outlet and every one here has been so great and i love all of you for it, If it wasn't for this i'd have lost it a while back….i dont want to sound like a puss, but if i didn't have my daughter i swear i'd just drive my car off a bridge. She's all i have and i can't even do right by her, why have i screwed up everything? My whole life….i just fucked it up over and over and over….and over. Now i'm so screwed up all i'm good for is…well fuck…not much if any thing. Well i dont know why i felt i had to say all this shit but i can't say it in words so i had to type it i guess. All of you have been so great i dont know what i would do if i didn't at least have this because it's the only way i can express myself for real without feeling judged. LOL….just another one of my rants i guess thanx for listening…..i'm going to go drink a bottle of nightquil and a pack of sleeping pills and have a beer,,,,maybe then i can go to sleep….i hope.