i havent spoken to in a while…. much love…. i was gonna write this big blog about being in a cave n the whys n whats of it all… well u know what ..ill write it a lil something. I may come as greedy and selfish ( there i go mind reading and projecting again) but im starting to learn…. through some own personal breakthroughs..that just cause

 my brain projects how someone feels or this that and the other..does'nt neccesarily mean its true. a simple concept yet not that easy to catch myself when im thinking up all the madness. Anyhow lemme restate what i was sayiing ( i feel and imagine that my friends ) whether in real life or just know em online… they get tired of me because i go loooong periods of time without communication….. without going out …or if we do talk its very quick and then off i go ( with some lame excuse) when the reality of the fact is … my ocd usually gets obsessed with issues relating to my social anxiety….and i just always choose to run away from it rather than feel the discomfort. its sorta like hearing someones tone of voice and already feeling like you are boring them…..or if there is just one second of silence…. i start to get anxious. or theyll think im crazy……. or you fillin the blank. rather let my mind fill in the blanks…….. and its just a never ending vicious cycle  that causes me to turn into a frigging hermit ..if you will at times. just like a nomad…secluded from everyone because i dont want them to see me mad or sad or whatever……  but its a lonely place when you are seperated from everyone.  I know i can be a cool fun person to be around…..but thats when my mind is not being held prisoner. when that comes around i turn dead silent.  Anyhow my therapist advised me that he doesnt so much have pointers for what exactly to do… but basically i gotta jump in the fire. Whatever it is i run away from… do it. I'm working on it.its not that easy. But ive learned a lot about myself and  my mind this year…. many many mysteries solved and questions answered. so i will continue on my quest…. and I havent forgotten about all of yours'. hope everyone is cool… enjoy the rest of the week. peace


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