so I have started reading "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey Schwartz. It really has helped me.. I think every single person with OCD should read it.

I dont know why but over the last couple days my OCD has taken a turn for the worst. I am trying to not check but then I feel that I have to and then when I check it just makes matters worse. I am soo frustrated and terrified. Luckily this book has helped me understand OCD alot better and so I now at least have an idea of whats going on with me. That "its not me, its my ocd." which helps alot since I have pure o.

When I was younger and first started having violent thoughts I really thought I was going crazy and was soo terrified that I was going to hurt someone. I was only 11 or 12 but I was so scared to be in a room alone with anyone for fear that I was going to kill them. If I heard on the news that someone had been killed- it was my fault.

At one point this summer I remember trying to figure out a way to give my self a brain injury so that my thoughts/checking would stop.

All I know is that with the help of the Lord, I will be able to live my life. Even with this baggage known as OCD. I have stopped praying for my oCD to go away because I know that it will never just go away. OCD is my condition; a disorder in the brain- but it does not, nor will it ever define me as a human being. We can beat this with the support of each other.

My New Years resolution this year is to get on this site more often and be here for my fellow OCDers like y\'all have always been here for me! Thanks to everyone who has been there for me during my flairups. If anyone needs anything just message me. I know its still a couple days away but HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! 2010 is gonna be a great year- I just know it!