I went back to the flat I shared with my OCD/BDD fiance today to collect all my stuff. As it's a fair trek from Essex to Brighton, I could only take 1 car load. Not that my Dad's car is small or anything, but I had to throw a few things away that I'd rather not have. I'll have to rebuy a whole load of kitchen stuff when I move out of parents place again.

 

My parents had some fantastic friends, an anglican parish rector and his wife. They are my role model of generosity and kindness. They were like an extra set of grandparents to me. After their deaths we went to their house to look for things to keep. My other half and I had only recently moved into our first of three flats together (damn, was that really 4 years ago?) and they had a fantastic folding oak table with matching chairs. I just had to throw them away. She's keeping the chairs but the table was left by the skip at the end of the road. I really hope someone salvages it, I felt awful leaving in there in the street. At least I still have Ken's cribbage board to remember them by.

 

When we moved in together, I'd never lived with anyone before and I knew co-habiting with an OCD sufferer would be tough. I never realised how terrible OCD sufferers could be to someone until today. Once I'd got all my stuff on the pavement to be packed into the car and I'd checked around inside for anything we'd missed, she and her mother and her mother's boyfriend locked the flat and walked off into town to see the Kemptown carnival. After five years together all I got was a wave before she turned away, walked up the street and disappeared into the crowd. She didn't look back.

 

She didn't say goodbye.

7 Comments
  1. Mand862 9 years ago

    Sorry to read you have had an "end of an era" day today.

    Maybe she found it too hard to look back?

    Shame you had to throw some things away and not have a chance to go back for them!! I imagine someone will see it and won't believe their luck so maybe think that a nice family will be eating their dinner off that thinking, "wow, can you believe we found this"

    I hope you manage to spoil yourself tonight with some things that make you happy and you sleep well knowing that tomo is a new day and hopefully u can start it positively and new start with memories to hold on to but fresh new start to think about you xx

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  2. ancientgeekcrone 9 years ago

    OCD play interesting games with the victims of ocd and their loved ones.

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  3. ajay 9 years ago

    It's always sad leaving a relationship, regardless of how unfulfilling it has become. Here's hoping you can in time feel a sense of relief at having moved on from the unhappy situation. And that, if you start another relationship, it's with someone who makes you happy – regardless of whether or not they have OCD.

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  4. stoneymahoney 9 years ago

    @ocd8mybrain – sorry to hear about you and your ex, that is a seriously sh*tty thing he did to you. I hope she gives him some exotic STD and his knob rots off.

    My ex didn't really deal with her OCD. When I landed my new job I offered to pay for some private treatment for her. Instead she quit her medication, stopped her CBT and didn't bother getting back on the waiting list for more therapy. That self-destructive behavoir made all her other OCD symptoms worse. Insecurity, rituals, dissatisfaction with partner, sexual dysfunction – those are the underlying problems that ruined our relationship.

    I was an integral part of her life for 5 years, at least she could have waited two minutes to see me off. She probably cheated on me while she was on holiday, she's done that a lot to previous boyfriends. Her behavior over the last two weeks have been selfish, petty, cowardly and cold-hearted, but I would never assume all OCD sufferers would do the same – that was just her being a massive bitch.

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  5. stoneymahoney 9 years ago

    @Mand862 – My instinct tells me she couldn't face me out of shame. Whether that's remorse for how she's been using me as punchbag or because of something else she's done and not told me about, I guess I'll never know. I'm hopeful about the table, it's a great community around there and things get "freecycled" on a regular basis. I had a bath for the first time in 18 months tonight and it was heavenly – our flat only had a shower. I've got a great employment agency on my side and they're lining me up with all kinds of interviews so I'm hopefully I'll be back on my feet soon. Plus, I'm living in my home town again – I have all my closest friends back!

    @ajay – thanks for your kind words, they're much appreciated. I'm already coming to terms with how badly she treated me and I'm relieved it's over. It'll be a long time until I'm over how much we loved each other.

    @ancientgeekcrone – ain't that the frickin' truth!

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  6. RainbowSprinkles 9 years ago

     I don't think she didn't say goodbye properly because she has ocd either.  Probably she didn't know what to say.

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  7. RainbowSprinkles 9 years ago

    I'm so sorry you're having a really rough time.

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