Hey everyone, I know that this is going to be pretty irrelevant but I am in a situation where I just need to vent my emotions. The good news at the moment is my boyfriend and I are getting on better than we have done since he first started suffering with OCD so that's brilliant, I am so proud of him and his little breakthrough 🙂 However as stupid as this may sound 5 months ago my dog was put down the day after my school prom and every night since I find something ends up reminding me of him which leads to be staying up until stupid hours of the morning (2am at the moment) crying because I miss him so much. I feel really guilty like I took him for granted while he was alive, now I feel that I would give anything to get him back. I have had him since I was 1 years old (I am 16 now) so I basically grew up with him, we were partners in crime through much of my childhood but in my teens and towards the end of his life I found school work made me some what neglect him. I never remember a time without him and up until we got our new dog I couldn't even really look in my kitchen without crying (He always used to sit on the kitchen floor). I know 15 is a good age for a dog, and I know that having him put down was the best thing for him so what I want is for selfish reasons but I really wish I had not let him go to the vets that day. I never thought I would miss him this much, I have had pets die before, hamsters, my lizard, I even had my rabbit die in my arms but nothing has hurt this much for so long. Anyway thank you for taking the time to read this if you did.
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The other pets were different. You miss this one because he was always there from your earliest memories. You may realise now that dogs don't live as long as humans, however he was always there. That's where the pain is. That's where the guilt is too, also the anger. Yes anger, you got left behind in the land of the living, where you can remember your loss (source of your guilt). I am not a professional, but I would bet the source of it all, is that you have not given into the grief of your loss. To heal you need to go through the grieving process.
So sorry for your loss. It's ironic to get on tribe tonight and see your blog. Earlier tonight, I put my 20 year old cat down. Was so hard to do that when someone is part of your life for so long. As much as I wish it didn't happen, I know it is better so there won't be any more suffering. I know exactly how you feel and it hurts .They can be at peace now though. Someday we will see them again. I hope you find peace and comfort with your loss soon.
Raider916 I am really sorry to hear about your cat, you must have looked after him really well for him to live to such a great age.
To Unknowable I did spend loads of time with Sonic, apparently when I was younger I used to smash eggs on the floor so he could lick them up. As i got older my mum had an abusive partner so I would always go on walks with him as an excuse to get out of the house. Yes my boyfriend has OCD and he has said that he thinks I have it before but I usually argue with him that I haven't so he ends up giving up. So going off slightly I used to find myself (when i was about 5) getting really bad thoughts about how I would want to harm my dad in the most sick and torturous ways then hate myself for it. I also used to and still on occassions feel like I want to hurt my cats and my younger brother, of course at the moment I know I would NEVER EVER do anything to hurt them because I love them but I hate myself for it =( Then there is silly things like assessing the gaps between street lights in comparison to the car I am in (bit hard to explain) and brushing my teeth for exactly 15 mins which drives my boyfriend insane. I'm not entirely sure if that's ocd I made a post on another forum asking if I did i might repost it on here to get some other opinions. My school does have a councillor and I promised Dan (my partner) that I would see her but I really don't know what I would say or where to start. Sorry about your cat Oreo, at least I know i'm not weird for still missing my dog.
@ancientgeekcrone thank you for your advice I am not purposely avoiding the whole grieving process, but I will continue trying to grieve the loss =(