At work they all look at me and know I do my job and my boss’ job and that I get talked to on a regular basis about how I am just not doing this right or how I shouldn’t do this. And I get it from two different places so I don’t even know if I am coming or going anymore to be honest. They all see what goes on and have even told me they see it but I’m the only one that has said anything. How screwed up is that people? The girl with OCD the one who has huge problems with speaking up for herself and fears getting fired every day of her life is the one to actually have the balls to say something. The reason for that is really is because I’m the one in the end who will be crapped upon because I said something. And this entire week has been just that putting out fires and then turning around to be told I did it wrong.

I am in the process of going off one medication so I can take another and at the moment I honestly don’t know if I will be ok. I don’t sleep well, eat well or have a day where it’s not one constant panic attack. I am so close to snapping at someone because they think it’s all ok to just text people and play on facebook all day while I run around doing work. Then they have the balls to tell me I need to calm down.

I have tried to be so positive about this freaking OCD thing and have tried to have goals and work through this to see the end of the road as an achievable goal but right now all I feel is pissed, sad, and enveloped in this sense of hopelessness. I want to get better but the more I feel like this the farther that want slips from me.