On September 1 we were aboard KLM Airlines and heading to Greece. I have not seen my son since he was about seven years old in which I was visiting. He had been with my in laws since he was two years old. My son also lost his grandmother when he was only 13 years old. It was a very very emotional reunion for me. It was a time in my life to reflect things of the past, mistakes that I can no longer correct. Wrong decisions, but good in a way that my son has a better way of life. But to and what and to whom, to a price that was too high and too dear to make. My OCD started at about eight or nine years old. Who knows why these things happen to us. I think it is all part to to a surviving mechanism. It is a place where we go where we can cope and exist even though we are compled to do these repetetive things over and over again. It is a feeling that comes over you that you just cannot ignore. Perhaps it happens to people who keep a lot inward. I just don’t know or can be too sure really. Life is too painful and perhaps the right people are not in it or the right balance is missing. The spirit and the mind are such strange things. They would do anything to survive, to cope, and to exist. For me that paricular day standing on top of that mountain that seemed to of been in a different world, seemed to spark a million of emotions all at once. The ones that I stopped to recall were happiness, a thrill of an adrenillon rush, saddness, hurt, sorrow, pain, tears of joy, and you name it. Would I of been anywhere else in that particular time and moment. No, I would of never traded that moment for the world. Even though I was in a difficult marriage, and with a difficult and controlling husband, that makes me sad and hurt, all  the time. I would not of traded that split moment for anything.  I felt such great joy that I could be part of it.  To have met great friends for life. There have been so many chapters of emptiness of my life from my childs, in a way I would like to think he was spared from a lot of pain that could of been. Sometimes we get caught in a lot of chaos from our parents lives. And my life this one as I know it has been way too difficult and way too painful. Yet I am determinrd to live it and not bail out. Through all the painful thorns have been my flowers on top, one especially more so than the rest, for a few thorns were to deep and too painful to bare. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but they forgot to say to you how painful the dents are in your spirit. For no dent in any one automobile could compare as those that would be OUR SCARES OF LIFE!