I am SO damn tired of hurting so much. I just want it to stop. My birthday's in a few days…wahoo. :l I am so overwhelmed by so much–my parents coming to visit for my birthday and all the preparations that have to be made for that. I'm worried about how things may or may not go while they're here…. I'm worried about that I need to make a doctor appointment for soon. I was going to make the call today, but alas…I just couldn't do it.

I worry about my pets. I'm having flashbacks and missing my pets I've lost so much that I just want to die. I feel like there's just no help for me. It's hopeless; no one understands me.

Well, there's one person who pretty much always understands me and knows how to make me feel better. But she's not talking to me. She's very mad at me. Even though I'm in the right. I doubt she'll ever see that. Apparently I yelled at her for "no good reason." REALLY????!!!! Um, yeeeeeah, can't you see I'm hurting? But no, it's all about you…. But the fact is, I'm just…picking at these things to be angry with her for. The truth is I just REALLY, REALLY miss her. I don't know how to fix things anymore. Not that I ever did. I'm so tired. No, I'm just in so much pain. I wish to either fall asleep for a very, very long time or to somehow magically and miraculously wake up from this horrible nightmare.

But I ramble on…. And please don't just give me a bunch of that crap about "it will get better." Of course it will–it always does…ish. I just need to let this out here and now, okay? I'd like to know that you understand or/and that you care, but I don't need a bunch of fake fixes. Sorry…does that sound mean? Again…sorry.