I'm frusterated by the internet right now. In regards to my account on this blog it says I have a guestbook comment from someone that won't open? And in regards to setting up a youtube account for school; apparantly when I link that to my gmail account my real name pops up on youtube and I don't like that. Thoughts? Also I am also feeling like there are alot of things I forgot today, I need to ask my friend for money back, I feel bad because I am hardly ever assertive and I posted a comment to one of my blogs regarding something someone said and I think they might be upset but I was just trying to stand up for myself. I got comments on all my blogs but I didn't get a comment to the comment (say that ten times 😉 that I made to my own blog. Does that mean everyone is mad at me for making that comment? Am I just paranoid again? I truly didn't want to hurt anyone I just wanted to stand up for myself. My friend who has a personality disorder is really mean and its hard to get along with him but I still want to try-? My casemanager said I need to set boundaries with him but its hard. My other friend through her friend owes me over $100 and I am reluctant to ask for it back-yeah I suck. And my roomate is on a dating frenzy with guys who are married, alchoholics (can never spell that word right btw) or seem nice but then are charged with being a pedofile and I'm freakin' out and don't want to move but I don't wan't no one bustin down the door ect… and I could go on and on the thoughts just keep coming. I have told my roomate that I am uncomfortable about this, I am trying to stand up to my friend with a personality disorder and I have asked my other friend for the money back-I think it is in the process of coming, she actually doesn't owe me money her friend does and it's not really money her friend needs to return a package that is under my credit card that I was charged for but she said it was returned. I am improving because before I:

1. would probably say little or nothing to my friend with the personality disorder

2. finally told my roomate that I was feeling uncomfortable

3. have asked more than once if that package was returned instead of 'dropping the subject.'

I don't suck; its just going to take awhile to build up my self confidence and help my assertiveness and it doesn't happen overnight-which is good in a way it takes the pressure off of "getting better-?" right away. Idk.

My biggest worry: I am in school to be a Social Worker. It is all I can think of that I want to do so I can help others who have been in situations like mine. Unfortunatly that career path is close to being the most stressful and anxiety producing one that there is. Also you need to be extremely assertive, have little paranioa, ect…apparantly everything I am not. And it is my dream job.

But I will try because I love it. Even if after the first day I run off the job screaming my head off, at least I tried. However despite my extreme anxiety over this career choicd I just get this funny feeling that I can't explain that everything is going to be ok and I am on the right path.

Logically it may not seem right but I think that in the end my wanting to help others will triumph over my anxiety. I hope. I hope God is watching over me!

I apologize if I have offended anyone on this blog and as a caveat (I just learned that word, its so fun to say I hope I am using it right! 🙂 to that statement almost everyone I have ever apologized for offending has had no idea what I am talking about.

I think that will be the case in this point-maybe?

I am unsure-I think.

😉

(thank you to ancientgreekcrone for the extremely positive comments and for my two friend requests by people who left positive comments as well! 😉

Peace