I saw from some comments in my guestbook that some of you are wondering how I'm doing. I think it was around a week or 2 since I've written. It's true I've had a rough month. But I'm also not looking forward to September.
September is hard for me because that was the month that not only has my wedding anniversary but also the date when my marriage fell apart and the loss of my dog, Shadow. I've been told to let go but of course that is never easy OCD or not. My husband was supposed to be a man who would be strong and stand by me. He was supposed to remind me that I'm not a lost cause and that I can overcome every challenge in life and that he would cheer me on every step of the way as I would for him. Instead I'm reminded that he retreated to his man-cave and let his parents as well as every other stressor have it's way with me until it seems like there's nothing left.
He said he never truly loved me. Something like that should have killed me instantly like a bullet to head. I sacrificed so much to be his wife; I gave him everything and it wasn't what he wanted at all. I have since forgiven my ex husband but at the same time I haven't forgotten. I wish at times I could. I know these days are nothing more than after thoughts on a calandar to many. I hope one day I can actually believe that. More than that I dream of that man that my husband never was. I hope and pray that the day he finds me and asks me to be his bride so I can kiss him and ask him what took him so long to get here.
I assure you, my friends, that I'm ok. I am trying to work through this so I can move on but sadly I see I still have a long way to go after already coming so far on my journey. I thank you for being here for me and letting me get what's on my mind out and also the accountability. Thank you for being a bright spot during this difficult time, it will certainly not be forgotten.