Well, all these years and I knew I had OCD but I never seemed to relate to anyone or so I thought, but yesterday I finally read an article which described my OCD and gave it a term. I am a perfectionist OCD girl. The rewriting and rewriting because every letter has to be perfect. Cabinets and Closets completely clean and recleaned and spaced perfect..and then the house a mess because I go to the other extreme because I cant keep up after cleaning the same cabinet and washing every item in it over and over. It was so relieving to read an article that described ME. It made me feel like I wasnt alone in my crazy behavior because someone wrote an actual article about it and it had a "NAME". Now, if only I can stop it and stick to my daily promise to quit I would feel so much relief. It is so exhausting feeling and desiring so badly to be perfect and then sabotaging myself with rituals that are impossible for me to maintain to accomplish any sort of goals. Sometimes, I just scream so loudly in my head and I just want my brain to stop with the nonsense. Ive tried to describe it to my husband and I compare it to someone telling you not to blink. You can hold and force your eyes open for a while but then it starts becoming uncomfortable and the longer you try to keep them open the worse it gets until you just automatically blink. I tell myself to stop, its irrational, i hate it but then i ignore me and feel that I "have" to do it anyways. What would happen if i didnt do it? I know nothing bad only great things but for some reason i dont feel thats an option.. just like blinking..it isnt in my control. UGH