hi guys,
I really need your help here!! I have had a rought afternoon and night and am very stressed out.. So, I met with my OCD specialist yesterday and we came up with accommodations for me to go back to work, which is in a preschool and yes there are a lot of triggers there. I have been in recovery for a while now at partial hospitals and in patient, for about a month. My medications are working and I have been feeling more positive, and feeling emotions, too many. But anyways, today I went to my boss to give her the letter and have a quick meeting with her and our other boss. They had some concerns and asked me questions and I was very open and honest. At the same time maybe a little too honest because I wanted to belive how good I really am doing and show it and prove it with confidence. Then, they started asking me questions about number ( how will I sign kids in and out by writing the times they arrive and leave, telling me they can't take the clocks down, asking me how I will be able to heat up the lunches on the mivrowave, how I will be able to do calendar with the kids, have them write numbers, etc, etc, because it is preschool and there are numbers every where, etc. etc.) So, I wanted to stay really postive about it and what not, and I did. Then I left and went back to group, and thought about it…. I got sad, angry, upset, you name it. Because my biggest trigger and fear is numbers and clocks and such… So, I felt like a failure, I felt weak, and anxious. I am going to group tomorrow and an appoitment with my OCD specialist. I have been crying it out all night and feeling sad, guilty, upset, and just wanting to quit this type of job. I need advice PLEASE !!!!
Hey Jess. It's always tough when symptoms interfere with work. I waste so much time dealing with all the crap my mind puts me through at work – some days I'm amzed I get anything done at all. Just have to fight through it. Necessity will sometimes dictate how you react. Force yourself to go aginst what your mind tells you and tell yourself that you can deal with the consequences later. I don't know how, but somehow we make it through.
Don't ever think you're a failure though. Hell, you're more successful than your peers – they don't have to face the hurdles you do!
Hi jess…don't feel like a failure your not…ocd is intense. Just keep on fighting through it and you'll eventually control it..little by little fight by fight as long as you keep moving forward you can beat it and control it..I've felt like my life was an insane nightmare…the key is long term thinking, focus and little steps forward everyday..just as long as you move at your own pace…for me my ocd was like a machine gun of intrusive thoughts clouding my mind…I learned clearing my mind and meditating has really helped with my anxiety and my focus..I also recommend reading this book I feel was one of the most important books I've ever read in my life that helped me so much and gave me weapons to fight my ocd..maybe you have heard of it it's called Brain lock by Jeffrey m schwartz..i hope this helps…never give up..and know your going to control your life and ocd.
I was in a very similiar situation, i almost quit my job, I recommend trying neuro feedback therapy, I personally found it to be effective.