The fear of a biopsy is one of which worried me more than the results… odd to me that we so worrie about  what is going to happen  on a test and  not even consider it is for  the good of our health. My fear was blown out of range as the two weeks till I know the results is life waiting to be lived.  I know that to live one day at a time is the only way to go but i find myself wanting more than I can have in  one day….  until I recieved a phone call today telling me that my brother  in law  has 3 weeks to live.  He starts chemo tomorrow and Dr. give him maybe a yr with treatment.  My heart goes out to him, he is the  sweetest man in the world.  cancer  has taken over in him and he didnt  even  see it coming.  I ask myself   why didnt  he get tested like they test me every  six months?  Or maybe he has hid the fact. I dont know, I do know I have always liked him and surely would not want to see this happen.  Makes me feel selfish to be concerned over a stupid test and  yet he has to face possible only living  3  weeks……… makes me remember  the  passing of my husband,  his brother,  our friend who died, his mother, and then another friend who passed. Realizing were all living  to  die.  What is controling the timely manner of our  death? our spirit, or  our soul or  our will to live? Oh so many questions.  so little time. Where is the soul I seek to love and be with? Time is waisting……. theres fun to be had, love to be felt….. where are YOU?