: Can't find the words for this
young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible
ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling
from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom,
that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
On the first day of school, a
first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read,
'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his
parents.'
the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she
asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come
to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
A little boy got lost at the
YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was
spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and
running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
While taking a routine
vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a
little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she
asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the
report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she
said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my
shoe?'
It was the
end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As
I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake,
was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in
at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I
replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of
the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
While
working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my
4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
A little girl was
watching her parents dress for a party When she saw her dad donning
his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And
why not, darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a headache the
next morning.'
While
walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar
wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his
playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that
proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and
cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers
and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his
father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn,
and into the hole he goooes.' (I want
this line used at my funeral!)
A little
girl had just finished her first week of school 'I'm just wasting my
time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they
won't let me talk!'
A little boy opened the big
family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and
looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in
between the pages. 'Mama,
look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there,
dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I
think it's Adam's underwear!'
DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT
