I joined this site almost 10 years ago..my profile says less, but that's because my old profile got deleted for some reason when the were updating the site…not sure what happened, so I had to start over…that is why you "may" come across some post made by "TheTruth"…still me…but they wouldn't let me use the same username, so I had to add the 1997 to it, to make my new profile…anyway…the reason I'm blogging today is that I have been noticing over the last few months, that NO ONE really talks on here like we used to.
This site was such a great deal to me when I first started coming here. I found it one day as I lay in my hospital bed in my living room one day, after an 8 1/2 month stay in the hospital…4 1/2 of those months, wired for life in the ICU, in a coma. I had double pneumonia that turned septic and I was born with only ONE kidney and it just couldn't keep up…sending me into a coma.
I had absolutely NO social life as I could not walk…hell, I couldn't even sit up in a normal position for about 4 months after I got home from the hospital….my legs were stuck in the fetal position…my muscles weren't going anywhere if they had anything to say about it. The doctors even told me I would be in my hover round wheelchair for the rest of my life…I had only 1% chance of EVER walking again.
I was devastated to say the least…I was a roofer and a house framer for crying out loud…not being able to walk meant (to me) my life was over as I knew it….no more climbing up on top of houses and buildings…which I truly loved to do…absolutely loved roofing…no more climbing up in rafters, banging in nails, building walls…I was VERY, VERY depressed for many, many months…that is…until I found this site. It took me 10 1/2 more months to even be able to take my first 3 stepswithout my walker…3, that's all I could muster after so long working on it…a victory I know, but to me it felt more like a failure…and it took a lot longer to actually walk something that even closely resembeled normal. This site WAS my social life back then.
The people that were here back then…some still are…somehave just moved on and some we have lost… Many of you may not remember "Ladyintheback" aka M'Lady (Nancy) and "Angeleyes" (Don)…but I for one will NEVER forget them. They became my strength to recover. They always gave me words of encouragement and support…they scolded me when I would mess up…they were truly 2 of the BEST friends I have EVER and will EVER have in my life…I miss themso very much ever single day.
As some of you know M'Lady and I were roommates when we lost her…and I was the one to find her….and once again my life felt over…it took me about a year to feel okay with it…to accept it had really happened.
There are others here who have (and still do) inspired me as well. Thank goodness they are still with us even if some of them don't come online often or at all anymore….Tecky, Someone, Nonnerdean and knuclebones…are the ones that come to mind right off the top of my head….and I've found a couple NEW friends that are turning out to be gems as well.
What I'm trying to say is that this site has just changed so much from when I joined it…I come online now and see 6 -12 people online..not 40 or 50 like it used to be. I realize that people have lives…but I just miss being able to talk…actually caring on long decent conversations with people who truly understand what it is like to live with this disease.
Don't get me wrong…I have a couple of very good friends that I talk with on here and by texting on our phones…and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I have learned that to have this disease, is to understand that you ARE going to be lonely…a lot and especially if you are picky about who you want in and what you want outta the rest of your life…
I just wish more people would start talking…it really does soothe the soul to have someone to confide in.
Okay….I've rambled enough…was just feeling down last couple of days, I guess….
Ruth ~always trying to smile~
It is such a blessing to log on and get that support when you need it. Now, with that being said I still like to log on when I can to give encouragement and love out, as it is not just about receiving. I know there are times where life can really whoop up on you and just knowing that 1 person out there that really understands is a heeler in more ways than 1. My son has been getting his suppor thru a therapist who has been great, and  yes I get my support thru Christian therapy and getting on here, because I really don’t know what I would of done without this site. During the time I joined…oooooh man I was gone thru, especially as a mother, watching your child go down to 95lbs it about killed me it really did and I learned that joy and love is contagious, and the more I learned about his illness, and what being true support means, the LORD has really taking that pain away that I once was burden with so heavily. I am not saying that I still don’t have my days, but I have more brighter days than dim days. Educations is knowledge and knowledge is power. We will all get thru….Yes we will! I realize that life is not promised to us regardless, you don’t have to be sick for your number to be called by the man above, so I don’t focus on the what if, when and how, but more so the I am going to live, smile, and love with every fiber of my being. GOD put us here for a reason.
Finding peace every day I live.
KMG