I struggle with my weight.  I have my whole life.  Sadly, much of the struggle has to do with other people and their insensitivity and ignorance regarding someone else’s body size.   I’ve had anxiety episodes where I can’t leave the house to go to a party or event, because I start obsessing about my weight and conversations that I might have to have.   I can’t count the number of times someone who I don’t know or barely know has offered dieting advice.  So rude.

I wrote this letter and made several copies.  When a “helpful” acquaintance, friend, stranger decides to offer their assessment of my body size and what I should do in their opinion, I give them a copy of this letter.

It felt good to write it.  

Dear Fellow Human,

You are probably wondering why I am giving this to you. I’ll cut to the chase. You advised me that I needed to lose weight.

Thank you for your concern. I know your words have very good intentions. You seem like a kind person who wants to be helpful. But here’s the deal. Your words are not helpful.

See this picture? Its my baby picture with my older brother. He was born normal size and weight. Cute little bugger isn’t he? Me, I was born a chubby little Buddha baby. I don’t even fit in the picture (smile)

I WAS BORN THIS WAY!

Now that doesn’t mean that I get to sit back and let myself go because its just my physiology, genetics, whatever. I spend a lot of energy dealing with my physical health by exercising, eat as healthy as possible, juicing, drinking lots of water, attaining good mental hygiene. If you were to look in my refrigerator right now, I can guarantee you, you would find fruits, veggies of all kinds, yogurt, juices. There is no ice cream in my freezer and no cookies in my cupboards. You’ll find nuts, raisins, whole grains, agave, oats. I can’t remember the last time I bought potato chips. Doesn’t mean I don’t eat those things on occasion, but I do not eat them regularly. Which is probably a surprise to you. You’d also be surprised at how little I eat.

Your helpful words also don’t take into account my current physical challenges, ailments and traumatic events that have happened to me both as a child and an adult. You don’t know what medications that I am on and what their side effects are. You have no idea of how serious my spinal injuries are and how they keep me from doing so many things that many people take for granted. I can never bowl again or go water skiing or try roller blading. Hiking up mountainsides is pretty much out of the question. I won’t even get on a bicycle now because of the serious consequences I could suffer should I fall or take a spill. My rock & roll dancing days are a sweet memory.

My life had been one big diet from the time I was a small child, well into adulthood. My weight, a constant priority in my consciousness. I’ve been anorexic, bulimic, drug addicted, depressed, suicidal – all because of my weight. So, your reminding me about it, as I said, not really helpful. It’s old news.

None of us are perfect. I don’t know what issues are challenging in your life. Maybe you have problems in relationships, career downfalls, money issues, addictions, family disappointments, mental/emotional scars. I would never make any assumptions about who your are and what you need to do to make your life better. I do know that you aren’t perfect.

Please don’t ever stop trying to help other people. Its how we all get through this life – helping one another. But maybe before you offer helpful advice to someone, maybe think about how well you know the person and what that person might be dealing with. What do you know about that person? What don’t you know?

And by the way, I no longer look at my weight or body size as a barometer of my wellness or as a symbol of my worth in the world. Instead, I work diligently toward optimum health through exercise, healthy eating, and a strong sense of self. If I get leaner in the process, yay for me 🙂

Thanks for your good intentions and well wishes.

Cheers,
An Abundant Woman