Ever since I started to develop even a mild anxiety disorder back when I was in seventh grade, I had these extremely morbid nightmares every night. I still do. When I first started having them, they really freaked me out and I would cry all the time about them. After about a year of having them, I got used to them and used them to fuel my art. The part that worried me was when it got to the point that I enjoyed them and looked forward to them every night. They caused me to have this strange yearning to feel the tear of flesh beneath a knife or the instant breaking of bones. I found myself hoping to be killed not because I was suicidal or wanted to die, but just because I wanted to truly experience the things that I saw and felt in my nightmares. I still have them now and they\'re a pleasant bit of comfort, but I wouldn\'t wish any of them to become reality any time soon.
Examples of the kind of nightmares I have are me killing the ones that I love and are close to me, the ones I love killing me, being chased and running into some metal death contraption, being kidnapped and raped, falling from great heights, being surrounded by the carcasses of infants and dogs, and so on. The setting of my dreams are always very dark (in the literal, and figurative sense) and old looking (almost indistrial). Many of them also take place in the city, as large cities make me extremely anxious. There is very often blood on the walls and floor of my surroundings, as well as the bodies of my companions, even if we\'re just sitting there or doing something completely normal. I won\'t lie, I have come to enjoy the sight of blood and frequently watch "guts n gore" type horror movies.
I\'d just like to know if there are other people with anxiety that experience something similar and maybe hear what your nightmares are like. And perhaps if yours have gone on for so long. It\'s been about five to six years since I\'ve started having mine.
Also! The odd thing was that I\'d never seen or heard of anything as violent as the things I saw in my nightmares when I first started having them. I was only a young girl with no clue of how anything like that would appear.
Thanks for reading! 🙂