This is my first post, not entirely sure where to start. Ive been dealing with anxiety mixed with bouts of depression for the past 12 years. Only recently I\’ve come to realize how much it affects me, my life and my relationships. I\’ve come far from where I used to be, I can leave the house without experiencing crippling panic attacks, I\’ve been able to actually keep a job where I have to interact with people all day long. I still have times where I need to go to the bathroom and catch my breath,  get my bearings and tell myself \”im fine\”. The one thing I can\’t seem to successfully handle are relationships. I spent 3 years in an abusive relationship which further escalated my personal issues. Soon after I was lucky enough to meet amazing man who stuck by me. Now the problem is its been 3 years of an on and off roller-coaster relationship. And it stems from my anxiety that causes nonstop worry,  and a feeling of always waiting. Waiting for something bad to happen,  go wrong, pining over the future, to the point where I demolish anything that has potential of ending well. I stress and I just can\’t seem to ever calm down. I need to help myself before I can bring anything substantial to a relationship with others,  problem is I don\’t know how to start, or how to get there. I have a protective wall and barrier around me I can\’t seem to bring down. I want to live in the PRESENT, just be able to focus on what is- right now. But my mind just can never seem to get out of the cycle of worrying and wondering , what’s next? And causing all my present moments to go out the window,  because I’m there, but I’m not actually THERE. I never can focus long enough to let something good unfold .  I don’t know if there’s anyone out there that has , or does experience this,  but I’m hoping at least one person can relate to this and know their not alone in this crazy crazy merry go round.