This is my first blog, let alone my first support chat site. Been having a hard time with my diagnosis of HIV. Found out a day before my birthday and its been 2 months and still hard to take in. So besides having HIV I have BPD so my emotions can get pretty wild(I hate the word crazy). My family is supportive and my therapist is amazing though i don’t get along with my dad and that kinda sucks….but its still hard to realize my life has to be totally different because of a stupid mistake. And I sometimes feel like i want the world to end. I don’t have suicidal thoughts or self harm anymore, so I’m not a danger to myself but….i already have a fear of abandonment and feel of being alone so having HIV makes me even more alone. Who would want to be with someone who has it?
Or if i do met someone and start to like them, when and how do I say something?
Besides the HIV, I was molested by my cousin, got bit in the face by a dog (lucky i didn’t lose my eye and was left with only a dimple), then my close cousin died in a car accident; boyfriend told me to go die like her when i broke up with him and i was baker acted two times. Spent my 18th birthday in a inpatient facility and missed half of my senior year.
Never really had friends and going through this is hard but me and my brother are really close so we spend a lot of time together and helps me feel better and distracted.
Not having friends age is hard, i feel its hard to talk to someone with this secret. I didn’t realize how much easier it is to let things out on here. I’m glad my therapist told me about this site.