This is my first blog, let alone my first support chat site.  Been having a hard time with my diagnosis of HIV.   Found out a day before my birthday and its been 2 months and still hard to take in.  So besides having HIV I have BPD so my emotions can get pretty wild(I hate the word crazy).  My family is supportive and my therapist is amazing though i don’t get along with my dad and that kinda sucks….but its still hard to realize my life has to be totally different because of a stupid mistake.  And I sometimes feel like i want the world to end.  I don’t have suicidal thoughts or self harm anymore, so I’m not a danger to myself but….i already have a fear of abandonment and feel of being alone so having HIV makes me even more alone. Who would want to be with someone who has it?

Or if i do met someone and start to like them, when and how do I say something?

Besides the HIV, I was molested by my cousin, got bit in the face by a dog (lucky i didn’t lose my eye and was left with only a dimple), then my close cousin died in a car accident; boyfriend told me to go die like her when i broke up with him and i was baker acted two times. Spent my 18th birthday in a inpatient facility and missed half of my senior year.

Never really had friends and going through this is hard but me and my brother are really close so we spend a lot of time together and helps me feel better and distracted.

Not having friends age is hard, i feel its hard to talk to someone with this secret. I didn’t realize how much easier it is to let things out on here. I’m glad my therapist  told me about this site.

 

 

1 Comment
  1. bridgie101 2 years ago

    So much easier. I remember letting stuff out about myself on here and realising.. the police cars didn’t come. I didn’t lose my job.. nothing happened.

    Woo. The sky didn’t fall. Liberation and release!

    🙂 So sorry to hear about the hard times you have had. I am really sorry about the HIV but I hear it’s very controllable with medication now, which is very good news. It didn’t used to be. When I was young it was a death sentence.

    I’m glad you have a brother you’re close to as well. I’m glad you’re not entirely alone. here’s hoping you can pick up the bits of your life now, and start moving forward with them. I’m sure you can.

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