To start off, I have severe anxiety and depression. I take pills for it but nothing has worked. I’ve delt with anxiety on and off for 5 years but mostly on. I do have a therapist and a regular doctor I see weekly. I’ve lost all my friends that I saw/hung out with. My boyfriend says he has had it, my family makes me feel 10000x worse when I have an anxiety attack and I literally feel like I’m dying. EVERYONE IS ABOUT TO LEAVE ME AND MY BIGGEST ANXIETY TRIGGER IS BEING ALONE, SO WHAT THE FUCK DO I WHEN IM IN FULL FUCKING FREAK OUT AND NOBODY IS WITH ME? I LITERALLY CANNOT GRASP REALITY OR ANYTHING AROUND ME. IM SCARED. I don’t want to take pills anymore, I’m so under weight and unhealthy. I want help and patience, I want someone to care for me like I’ve done for everyone else. I wish I could walk away from it all like everyone does me. Continuously hearing “it’s all in your head, just calm down” I CANT JUST CALM DOWN BECAUSE IF I COULD, I WOULDN’T BE IN THIS FUCKING SITUATION. I just feel like there is no fixing this and I’m going to live in fear my whole fucking life. Who is going to spend 24/7 with me because I’m so scared to be alone? What happens when everyone is so fucking done with me? Where do I go? An insane asylum? Will they laugh at me too and tell me it’s not serious? I fucking hate how much everyone can NEED me but when I truly need them it’s too much, I’m too much, they have better things to do.. it’s all the same, different person same excuse. I REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO DEAL WITH THIS BUT YOURE NOT THE ONE DEALING WITH IT EVERY FUCKING DAY, I AM.
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I’m sorry you are feeling this way.
Both your physical and mental health are extremely important. Continue seeing your doctors and let them work with you to get your diet in order. As for the meds, maybe the dosage needs to be adjusted or maybe try something new. I found over the years, it takes trial and error to find the med that works best for you.
With respect to the people, I totally understand. You feel like the people you did and would do things for are the ones who are ready to run away and criticize you when you need them and need help the most. I’ve experienced that. They do not realise that their actions also contribute to you feeling worse by creating more and more negative thoughts,
Distance yourself from any of these people who are making you feel worse of you can and when you need support, come here to the online community who can listen and understand. I go through the same with people and realise that it’s fucked up the way people only want the best parts of you but disappear when the parts of you come out when you need them the most,
Drop a line if you need to.