I haven’t managed to get started on my recovery plan so far this year. Without whinging too much about my famous procrastination, it has got to the point that I am anxious and irritable about everything – all because I can’t move forward in even the simplest ways. For example my post from before Xmas is still unopened and none of the appointments for this year have been made. I am afraid that I won’t be able to cope with the fall out of my arrangements and I have been self harming to try to get a handle on the fear… I wish I was normal but hey I’m not and very soon my lack of action will start having consequences. So today I thought I would at least logon to my lap top and check emails as a forerunner to the more formal written mail but when I did I noticed he was engrossed in a sexual role playing model type game – now there’s nothing wrong with him downloading any adult content he likes but I still feel kinda sick especially since he’s still at it with headphones on now thank god after at least 6 hours straight… Seeing cartoonish women having sex acts performed on them at the click of a mouse has really triggered me and my previous history keeps going through my mind. It’s not so easy to ignore as we live in a caravan and I can hear and feel him moving around even if the moans are kept within the headphones. What I see as a trigger to past abuse he sees as an interesting development in such games. I’m so disappointed in him – not the activity but his lack of understanding for me… it’s the middle of the night so I just have to wait it out. I really can’t see this ending well but feel a bit better for sharing my silly story.
Related Articles
-
From High Flying Professional to Psychiatric Patient
Janus, , Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Stress, Suicide, Therapist, 0
Once, not too long ago, I was at the top of my game. There were still promotions to be...
-
Anxiety and being in love
Aliasshamir, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Relationships, 1
So, I am in love with a girl at work. She however told me I am too old and...
-
Some Quotes
CeruleanKisses, , Anxiety, Grief, Lesbian, Gay, LGBTQ, Relationships, Religion, Sleep Disorders, 0
"I have found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakspear said, “Journeys end in lover’s meeting.” ...
-
Nurse
donnahappyclown, , Anxiety, Career, Child, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Psychosis, Stress, Weight Loss, 1
hi, i just wanted you to know what job i have, im a nurse….a mental health nurse. yes, ironic...
-
-
Too much blogging… Sorry…
CeruleanKisses, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Career, Religion, 0
So… Last night I intended to write something funny. I even titled it 'Imma Funny!' And what did I...
-
When you realize…….. :( You are alone in this
Reeree, , Anxiety, Addiction, Anger, Anxiety, Child, Domestic Abuse, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 2
Its been awhile since ive blogged…. or even been on here for that matter. For the most part I...
-
Have i lost my mind?
AbstractZz, , Addiction, Addiction, Anxiety, Career, Schizophrenia, Sleep Disorders, Therapist, 0
Help me. something has happened. so i'm seriously losing my mind, or have already…. here's what's happened….i have like...
I am sensitive to my surroundings, and when things are just too uncomfortable or chaotic to be able to focus on planning the days, weeks and months ahead, it is awful. I call it “environmental hostility” when your life’s circumstances are making things difficult. A vicious cycle begins where life keeps preventing you from thinking clearly about how to improve your life at a basic level.
For me, sometimes I find that by leaving the area and going somewhere like a library or even a seat in a transit station with some paper, a planner and a phone to make appointments is the only way to start to get a grip on my priorities — usually being about eliminating environmental hostility so I can be more in control and have less stress.
Know you have the power within you choose any path that your heart desires.