I haven’t wrote for awhile if i’m honest i don’t know why i started these blogs but for some reason it just gives me a way to let go and share my story some. When i was 11 or 12 i was sexually abused by my own blood and its embarrassing to me to admit it because it wasn’t just once but i was to scared to fight back i didn’t know what he was capable of so i guess its kinda my own fault for years i didn’t tell anyone and then i finally told my mom but i feel like now she looks at me differently and i hate that sometimes i think i should have kept my mouth shut since then i can barely even stand to be in a room with any male by myself and that kills me i hate that and it makes me sound like i am just dramatic and i hate that.He would play this game with me when i was younger and he would act like “Santa” and i would sit in his lap and tell him what i wanted i feel stupid now because i should have noticed what he was doing when he had to leave for awhile i felt kinda relieved i was finally able to tell my parents how i was scared to be in the same house as him.When he came back he seemed to be better but even though he did i still avoided him alot cause sometimes looks can be deceiving.On the bus one time there was a guy and he wouldn’t leave me and my friend alone he would try to touch us and stuff so my mom called the cops and i didn’t ride the bus for awhile and i honestly was upset because everyone knew about it at school and they wouldn’t leave us alone and i was never one of the popular girls in school which honestly was a relief because when your popular you are under so much pressure because everyone seems to be watching your every move but me not being popular meant that i could hang out with the people i wanted to but i guess people dont like messy.I have gone through alot and barely anyone knows nobody ever thinks about how other people are fighting their own fights they just make it worse.When i struggled against cutting and when i started wearing short sleeves again and people would make fun of me for my scars and it honestly made me go back to cutting again people need to realize that the people they see everyday almost always have a mask on.