I’ve been struggling once again and this time I know I need help. The sad reality is that the more I keep pushing away everything I’ve felt and been through will only keep bringing me down. Having days where everything feels fine and I feel like I could actually stay out of my mind for once. Only gets hit with falling down a rabbit hole with every emotion I’ve hidden. When I was home I felt this way trapped in my head with no one to talk to. When I would talk to someone they would live miles away which was good at first until I knew every night I’d be stuck with myself.

Makes me believe that I never really let myself be helped. Every time I’d talk to someone I would sugarcoat what I was feeling. Even when I was feeling alone and wanting to disappear for a while I never mentioned it. This is the struggle I’ve always felt when wanting to talk to someone. The weight I carry when knowing my family never really knew that what they said or how they treated me really affected the way I feel and live my life.

I truly believe that my family knew I needed help when I was younger when I would cry every night not knowing why I felt so sad. The day I said I was struggling, my mom laughed at me and my first counselor laughed at me saying I was making this up and that I was so young I had nothing to be sad about.

Joining this website is my first step to trying to get better. I want to be better. I do not want to end up with these feelings in a ticking time bomb until I explode.