Hey I am a 27 year old man, from Wichita, KS I have been diagnosed schizoaffective depressive type, or was it bipolar type, or am I just bipolar type 1. Whatever it was I’m crazy. I can’t seem to enjoy the things other people can. I think this maybe due to my own personal philosophy which I I once found life affirming but now seems drab perhaps I forgot the beauty in it. It negates the old ways of being. God is dead, not literally but socially, nobody bothered to tell the Christians who seem to be mass men. We reject the church, state, and family, the traditional sources of meaning steaming that we bowed to only due to tradition. We accept that these old ways of being. As we never are but we are always becoming. That is to say that there is no meaning built into the system, none at all. What meaning you want in life you have to build yourself, there are even those of us who say that even this is fuitless. An absurd proposition indeed looking for meaning in things or even creating your own. Which seems to make me feel hollow and empty at times. Alas if we embrace this, if we embrace that cry for meaning but receiving none, than we can be disabused from our presumptions put there by the church or the government, or our parents. This gets to me as I don’t really like the church, I don’t really trust the government, no good democracy loving person should, and my parents are shit to me. So I have this thus far there is a great negation of meaning that may trap a great many. What this negation allows for is important, it is not just negative but means that the individual is radically free, and can be thus way or another at will, so my problems have no reason behind them I can solve them easily. I am cannot only be free of my problems by shifting my values I can be happy at will to. Further more the death of God may have been gruesome, and bloody and may be something I am at odds accepting. Those that cross over to the absurd position as I have find themselves in a state of existential angst, but alas we continue on in this meaningless void and rebel against it, in the end this is the only true method of living in a way that doesn’t give in to the situation we find ourselves in. We preserve in the meaningless void and rebel against it for it is our only option and the only way to be happy that takes account of the facts and acknowledges our freedom. Still I wish for God given meaning sometimes and it pisses me off that God is dead.
