I'm tired of this place. I'm tired of this situation. I'm tired of the people around me. I came out here for a better beginning after moving to my last location for the same reason. All I seem to be accomplishing so far is setting a record for most states failed in. I know no one really likes their job, but I was always the person who felt a job was just a job – you clocked in, clocked out, and went home. I have never been so miserable going to a job as I have with a job like this. I dread going back to work on my first day of the weekend.

I am happy that some people talk to me on my team there, but much like past jobs, that is as far as I will get with making any friends. I'm just no good at meeting people. A flaw that is mostly my fault I admit. People tend to like me for my sense of humor…I am an entertainer. As for the friends I have, as previously stated,I amgrowing tired of them.

I am confused how I became to be regarded as some overly dramatic type, as I tend to joke about everything and use to do the same with said friends. I don't know if its new people they have met and suddenly they are too cool for me and my sense of humor now, or what it may be. It's at a point now where anything I say I am blown off as being stupid or dramatic…even though I never put much behind anything I say. A simple statement such as, "my car doesn't handle very well in the snow," is blown into some crazy subject about how I am being dramatic and i'm just driving like an asshole. I mean, really? ….really? The consistency of situations like this make it really fucking annoying. I just spend most of my time in my room by myself so as to not deal with it. I know it doesn't sound all that bad, but when its the only friend I have, it becomes a problem.

I wish I had never moved from my original place, with my original friends, and my original job. Everything was great there except for a few problems I could have fixed. I don't know what I was thinking. So now here I am…full of regret and all but alone. My best friend is my cat.

I never thought I would be someone who desired to have someone else to be with. I have grown use to being alone the majority of my life. but now I think I really need someone there…if anything just to help me feel like i'm not so damn alone.

Overall, I wish I was better at writing, as well as being able to put thoughts to words. I know I don't have very much to be whining about, but it all adds up over time. Mostly i'm just tired of being by myself. I don't go anywhere or do anything. I don't get any phone calls or have anyone to call. I spend my days at a shitastic job and then coming home to stare blankly at a screen until I can fall asleep around 7-8:00am. I'm livin' the life, indeed.

3 Comments
  1. Farjung 9 years ago

    I am not the best with words so often times I don't really get a good point across – leaving what I write having no resemblance of what I was actually thinking. As it turns out this is a perfect example. Eh, screw it!

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  2. Tarsier 9 years ago

    For what it's worth, I'm alone and not doing well myself. I don't have any real friends anymore. Just people that  talk to me and get the perfunctory small talk in return. Have I ever made an effort? Yeah, but friends will move on. And they'll throw you away.

    You're a good writer. You shouldn't be hard on yourself about that.

    And please hang in there. Things have a way of getting better. I know life is lonely. But just think, someday you could be someones best friend. Or someone's hero. Or someone's partner. Or someone's boss. You could mean something to someone. And I think that's what we all ultimately want.

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  3. Farjung 9 years ago

    Things have a way of cycling and repeating themselves…I've been all of those things and i'm sure I will again. I just hate where I am right now and i'm trying my best to get out of the situation. I'm not the greatest at making or keeping friends for many reasons, but I would rather be alone than be around this, currently. I do wish I was better at talking to people, but I am trying. I havent really made it past the "Hows it goin?" stage though. I could have everything in the world to tell someone, but all I can do is stand there in silence. I'm fairly awesome in that regard.

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