This summer has been particularly depressing. Isolating and disappointing overall. Life always feels exhausting and pointless. I recently got a new job, but the pay isn’t good so now I’m looking for better jobs. Looking for jobs often feels pointless, even jobs I’m qualified for are either rejecting me or aren’t responding. I feel depressed every time I go to work. The job is utterly meaningless and the place is a rundown piece of shit. I’m dejected every time I have to come in. For some reason I get more depressed during the summer. I was recently put on meds by a psychiatrist but I’m doubtful it’ll help.

I have a brother who is incredibly selfish. He never goes out of his way to do anything for anyone other than himself. He cares more about his stupid friends than his own family. My brother and former “friend” are the 2 most selfish people I have ever met.

This summer I’ve also confronted a “friend” who’s been extremely flaky. Someone who I thought was sincere and authentic but only on her terms. Someone I’ve known for over 8 years and only asked to hang out 4 times. Every other time we went out I was always the one initiating. This is someone I liked in the past. Thinking back now I should’ve seen the warning signs. Waiting for her for 40 minutes to leave her house. Constantly being late. Canceling several times at the very last minute with “excuses” as to why she can’t go out. I told her about that in the past , but it just never registered; which means she doesn’t see what’s she’s doing or she just doesn’t care. Constantly being unreliable. I told her over a week ago about her behavior to no response. She clearly has no self-awareness. Just a bad friend overall.

Suicidal ideation has gotten worse over the summer. I don’t know if therapy and medication are working. I don’t care if I die.