Since I got out of the hospital, I can honestly say that I have been doing SO much better. The most valuable lessons I learned are that 1.) it's okay to do things for yourself sometimes, even if they only benefit you (as long as they don't hurt anyone else) and 2.) stop trying to plan the future and live day by day- if you make good, healthy decisions, the future will fall into place.
I've felt like I can learn to love myself and that I had no reason to hate myself so badly all these years. Ever since my confidence has been better, the world has looked brighter, people have been nicer, and good things have been happening for me all over. I never realized how powerful self-confidence is because it's something I've never really had before. It's amazing! A few things that help me feel better about myself is taking the extra time in the morning to fix my hair (straighten it, braid it) and also to put on my makeup really well. I've been taking bubble baths with spa soundtracks on in the background instead of taking showers and it's a great way to end the day- it seriously relaxes your muscles. I've also spent some time to hang up complete outfits in my closet that I spent time picking out and matching up, that way in the morning I can just grab one that's already put together and know that I'll look cute (without spending hours trying to put something together and hating everything I try on).
I've also told myself that I'm going to stop turning down plans with people whenever I get invited to something or asked to go somewhere. I used to always ask myself, "What if everything goes horribly wrong?" and then I would just avoid it, but now I ask myself, "What if everything goes totally perfect and you have a great time?" This way, I'm not setting expectations and I'm just going into the situation with a good attitude, and similar to what I mentioned before about confidence, attitude can change an entire situation. Sunday, I went to a concert with my cousin and hung out with her friends that I've never even met before and I even danced with a cute guy. For some people, this might not sound like a big deal, but this is something I NEVER would have done before. And I had an amazing time! Now that I've seen what kind of fun I can have, I'm more determined to put myself out there and live life to the fullest. I highly reccommend it.
I really feel like things are turning around for me. I'm making new friends and trying new things, and so far, it's all going really well. So my message to everyone is to love yourselves! Remember, even seemingly "perfect" people make some major mistakes. The fact that you're here and have the courage to live in a world that can be pretty cruel makes you a strong person and YOU DESERVE GOOD THINGS. We all do. (: