I’m feeling quite happy because this cyclical thing is working out just how I wanted it to.  You know, my whole month or month-and-a-half of being totally crushed by my problems…then magically a month or month-and-a-half of feeling like problems?  Who cares? I’ll survive, it’s cool. [br][br]It goes without saying that I’ve been seriously crushed for the last month or so.  Then George was going out for his stag do on Saturday, and all the previous week I was even thinking to invite someone round for the day because I just thought I’d lose control being alone with Percy for a whole day.  I had such little faith in myself. And really…maybe a week before my feelings would have come true.  But thankfully, it just didn’t turn out that way at all. [br][br]I paced the day perfectly. I was such a supermom, it was amazing.  I got everything on my ‘to do’ list done, much to even my own surprise.  We went out together shopping for a few hours, we cleaned the house together, we went down the road to get some stuff for dinner, I even wound up having such a good time with him that I let him stay up longer and we turned up the volume on the music video channels and danced together.  I can’t believe how into music he really is. It’s infectious!  He starts mimicking all the choreography, and you just can’t help joining him.  (What I wouldn’t give for having had enough foresight to have the video camera out to film him getting down to Vanilla Ice!)  Then we ran around the house chasing each other and screaming – it was incredibly freeing. [br][br]I only lost it once, and I don’t feel bad about it really.  I gave him a bath and he went insane, and I am just so sick of this – he’s two-and-a-half and bathing this child is one of the most terrifying, dangerous stunts you could imagine.  He really was near drowning himself, and really I feel no guilt in shouting at him to let him know how seriously wrong that kind of behaviour is – just like I completely understand George totally laying into him once when he randomly broke free and ran straight into oncoming traffic and was just a few feet away from his death. [br][br]The next day, I watched Percy for several hours while George slept in after his late night, and again we had a brilliant time.  Then I had three back-to-back tutoring lessons to do, which really took the energy out of me but it went well and I felt very good about myself – not to mention, it gave us £60, which is always good.  And in the evening, after Percy went to bed, George played me a selection of Brasilian music while I FINALLY got around to altering some clothes I bought on sale last year but hadn’t adjusted to make them wearable yet.  Oh, and on Saturday also, when I had lots of time to myself before George came home at night, I organised all my papers at last and sorted out a lot of very pressing, exhausting wedding stuff. [br][br]I also slept plenty. And I just feel so refreshed, like everything’s great again. Yay, life is beautiful once more!!! And I am self-aware enough to know this isn’t going to last.  I go up and down. But the point is that I also think, judging from past trends, this should last for at least the next month…and guess what that means…I’m going to be in a lovely, invincible, excitable mood for the wedding!! [br][br]I mean, obviously, no matter what, I would have tried my best to be in a stellar mood, and I’m sure I would have been very happy.  But I’m also sure that if the wedding were last week, I’d have felt really stressed and unable to handle being around so many people, which wouldn’t have been nice.  So I am just SO RELIEVED at the way things are working out here!  And George and I made a joint decision to cancel the relationship counsellor altogether.  He’s calling them today. [br][br]George made a very good point: we once were at a place where things were terrible all too often, and we really needed help to resolve our issues.  Now, though, it’s not like that – and really the majority of our issues come down to the fact that we have no money or time to go out and have a life together.  So we’ve decided we may as well use the money used on counselling to go toward even just going out for a cheap dinner every once in a while. [br][br]Life feels so nice today : )


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