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One night on a day I don’t remember, I woke up hearing a loud noise from another room. My little sister was still sleeping soundly. For some reason, I decided to peek out of my bedroom and see what the noise was. 

At this time, my mother was in the hospital because of a health problem. My little brother was not home, I don’t remember why. The only people in the house were my father, two elder brothers, little sister, and myself. 

When the noises continued, I walked out of my bedroom and headed towards the elder brothers’ room, where the noises were coming from. I peeked through the door and saw the younger one coming towards the door. I ran and hid under my mother’s desk, but he saw me. 

“Come out. Now.” When I did not answer or move, he pulled me by the hair out from under the desk. He punched me in the face, knocking out my front teeth. I started crying. He walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I went into mother and father’s room and I laid in the bed, with no one in it.

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Recently, for the past three weeks or so, I’ve been waking up from this dream which is from my past. I wake up and feel regret. Regret for being too young to do anything, too young to understand what was going on.

I had caught my father in the act of raping my two elder brothers. But I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know, and therefore didn’t tell. It makes me feel that my family was torn apart at this moment. My brothers told lies to mother about why I lost my teeth, no one was being truthful.

After this incident, my father found out what had actually happened. That I had peeked in the room, though I don’t remember what I saw. Afterwards, he began sexually abusing me, and making my little sister and I masturbate for him when mother was not home.

If only I had know that the noises I heard were shouts and cries, what an erection was and that my brother had one when he punched me. If only I had realized that it’s a bad sign my father was not in his room after this incident.

If only I had the ability to save my family.