I’ve let my mental health issues completely take over my life. It started off as small things, I wouldn’t reply to a friend or two, I’d skip a day of school because I didn’t feel up to it. Small. Now, I barely leave my house, I was supposed to graduate this year but I haven’t even attended one class. Every time I try I get a panic attack so bad I end up throwing up. I’ve lost almost all my friends. I only talk to one person now, I’m thankful for her sticking by me all these years, but I never see her anymore, we used to be best friends, now we only talk occasionally. I’m missing everything senior year is supposed to be. Every morning I wake up and wish I hadn’t. Every time I encounter an outside problem I can’t even handle it, no matter how big or small it is. Every time I get overwhelmed, which is almost everyday now, I lose my breath, I feel like I’m choking on nothing. Suffocating for no true purpose. I just want it to get easier. Nothing is getting easier and everyday I feel like a weight keeps getting added to my chest. Im becoming bitter, I resent everyone who can go out with their friends, everyone who can go to school, everyone who isn’t ruining their lives like I am. Everyday I just breathe a little harder and try to get out of bed, because honestly that’s the most I’m capable of right now. I’m scared. I’m scared that one day I’ll wake up and decide that everything that is keeping me here, everything I tell myself everyday to stop myself from doing something dangerous, will mean nothing to me and I’ll go through with my innermost demons.
I just want it to get easier, but I’m holding myself back and I have no clue how to stop.