I’m lonelier than people can ever know. It’s diffi to be lonely and have such a strong distrust in people that I downright refuse to let anyone in. I’ve been turned too many times by too many people to even think to let anyone in. Last year I was put into an unnecessary amount of pain because of something my family did to me that reopened all my old wounds. I was so happy and thought everything was falling into place. Instead everything fell apart and I fell apart. My already difficult relationship with my sister has gotten even harder when I cut contact after her verbal abuse toon one step too far. She put me down all the time and made me feel like a failure because I struggled. Being told to snap out of it by someone who got everything they wanted in a year was a kick to the teeth. I cut out family because they burned me in the worst way possible for me. I want to be happy and I’m working on it, I’m functioning and that’s progress for me. But I am lonely, sadly I wish I could go back to before the incident when I was still speaking to certain people and be oblivious to what they would do to me. They burned me when I was my most vulnerable and ripped open my wounds. I wish I could still be that oblivious so I wouldn’t realize how alone I feel day in and day out. I wish I could have a group of friends who don’t use me as a punching bag, a boyfriend I’m not settling for because I don’t think I’m good enough; I wish I had family that accepted every part of me instead of parts they wanted. All of that seems nice but probably not going to happen

1 Comment
  1. bridgie101 3 years ago

    Imagine you’re a castaway on a desert island, and all you have for company is a football called Wilson.

    How do you function? How do you get by? How do you fill the days, how do you motivate yourself to move forward?

    When you can find the resilience to operate like you are on a desert island, then you will be able to find the gratitude for every minute spent with any other human who wants to be around you. And you will have no difficulty simply not putting yourself in the way of those people who don’t want to be around you.

    Be autonomous. Be your own strength. Identify your life goals and move towards them a day at a time, accept that others are on their journeys and at their own stage of growth. Let yourself, and let everyone else, be wrong, and immature, and have pity and patience with it.

    Let it all go. 🙂

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