I’m lonelier than people can ever know. It’s diffi to be lonely and have such a strong distrust in people that I downright refuse to let anyone in. I’ve been turned too many times by too many people to even think to let anyone in. Last year I was put into an unnecessary amount of pain because of something my family did to me that reopened all my old wounds. I was so happy and thought everything was falling into place. Instead everything fell apart and I fell apart. My already difficult relationship with my sister has gotten even harder when I cut contact after her verbal abuse toon one step too far. She put me down all the time and made me feel like a failure because I struggled. Being told to snap out of it by someone who got everything they wanted in a year was a kick to the teeth. I cut out family because they burned me in the worst way possible for me. I want to be happy and I’m working on it, I’m functioning and that’s progress for me. But I am lonely, sadly I wish I could go back to before the incident when I was still speaking to certain people and be oblivious to what they would do to me. They burned me when I was my most vulnerable and ripped open my wounds. I wish I could still be that oblivious so I wouldn’t realize how alone I feel day in and day out. I wish I could have a group of friends who don’t use me as a punching bag, a boyfriend I’m not settling for because I don’t think I’m good enough; I wish I had family that accepted every part of me instead of parts they wanted. All of that seems nice but probably not going to happen