Part 2 – 'As far as life in this world goes, I cannot do it. I cannot conform to a society that's wrong yet insists it's right. I can't lie & live in this fucking fantasy world where you force yourself to believe everything is hunky dory. THIS WORLD & IT'S WAYS ARE WRONG!!! I can't do things I concider unneccessary. I cannot live a life where my every move is ultimately dictated by someone else. My life is so governed it's ridiculous. And why? I can't live a nice life because someone else doesn't like whatever & restricts me. I can't be 'happy' cause that would influence someone elses idea of being 'happy'? Why can't I go overseas? Why can't I race cars? Why can't I have a good time? Because someone else somewhere forbids it cause they want things to be their way? No. Fuck that. I'm a very considerate person as far as I'm concerned. I don't think I'm unreasonable with my actions. I'm only a prick if I get treated like one. I'm no saint, but I'm not as bad as this world makes me out to be. This world is wrong yet forces that it's 'right'… I can't live like this. I don't understand this world. I refuse to be a part of it. It's wrong. What makes some right guy successful? Because he has a fancy car, a large house, lots of money & a family? At the end of the day he's just doing what makes him 'happy'. So if I find a certain amount of happiness by sitting on my bed and playing games all day, what's wrong with that? Because I don't see or believe what humans all do, I'm wrong? No. Everyone mistakes lies for optimism. Or vice versa. You cannot do everything you want in life. So why lie to yourself & chase goals that you can't achieve? Once again, cause others don't agree, so fuck you, you can't be happy cause their happiness always comes first. I'm NOT negative, I'm realistic. If something is the way it is, then that's it. I won't lie to myself to make myself feel better & give myself a false sense of accomplishment. I can go on & on, on sevral topics forever… But what's the point? If any of you even read this, it's just in through the eyes & out the ears. I know. It's always like that in this family. I really suffer with my mind & emotions, you have no idea the mental things I do in my own privacy. It's hard… It hurts so much… And as everyone has their limits, this is mine. I cannot cannot cannot feel like this anymore. I've suffered enough. I'm so so so sorry for the bad things I've done in life & the people I've hurt. I'm so sorry life doesn't come with an instruction manual. It's unneccessarily hard… I hate humans. I hate life. I hate… This world has convinced me that everything is always my fault. No matter what. Humans are pathetic & I'm disgraced to be one. I really love you guys, but I'm bust losing the last thing that's keeping me from going right off the edge…' And that's where I stopped. If anyone bothered reading this, I thank you very much for taking the time. That alone means alot to me. Well it's now 3:40 AM & my birthday… Not that it means much anymore… The way I'm feeling right now, anything could happen, so let's see what happens….

1 Comment
  1. outsidein 8 years ago

    i hope you have found some peace of mind. happy belated birthday!

    0 kudos

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