A Year In Reflection
As I watch, just outside the window, the snow falls with
An unerring relentlessness. Much has happened in this
Past year. Some good, some bad, but all for a purpose.
A puppy sits at my foot ( I named him Thieritus) reminding
Me that while people, places, and things may come and go;
Life brings to the table a consistant reminder of new and
Ever interesting changes.
A year ago, when I was diagnosed I thought that well it could
Always get worse. As time would pass by and the days marched
Into weeks, then months some things would remain the same; while
Others would change. On that same note my outlook on life became
An amalgam of varied beliefs, opinions, and information as the world
Around me would evolve so too would my life.
Soon after (as some of you know) the diagnosis I was transferred from
A Marine Corps Line Company back to a Naval shore base. Standard
Policy for the DOD. With the help of an ever supportive team of experts
I learned to cope with my new life by educating myself. The Provider became
The patient.
Not all, however, was handed to me on a platter. Within months I found myself
Looking at being discharged from active duty. That was a change I never saw
Coming, as I had planned to do 20 or more and then retire. As fate would have it
I was discharged (Honorably) and sent home.
Coming home after being gone so long was like a shock wave that was edged with
Razor wire and doused in acid. The welcome I received was at best a miserable one.
My family all but spit in my face, and everyone else, well questions was all anyone had.
Questions about the war, death, and life abroad. Questions that to this very day I don’t
answer. In time I am sure that I will be able to so, at present, however I’ll keep the
commentary to myself. Perhaps for years to come, however, it will be when and if
I am ready.
During these last six months as a civilian, I have found that life is a challenge. I miss
Being in the military, I miss my unit, I miss being over there. However, of the many
Things I miss the one thing I miss the most is being called doc. That will never change.
I’ve found the VA to be an interesting creature, and not being able to work to be the
Hardest challenge of all.
So now as the year comes to close, I can only wonder at what this next year will bring.
At present my numbers are stable, and while on medications for other stuff aside from the HIV.
I will wait and with a wandering curiosity pray that my health satisfies my desires.
I want to go back to school, for what I am unsure of, as my desire to join an order is no longer
An option due to this illness. Volunteer work? Perhaps as time or situations present. Only, as
I have said, time will tell. Until then an infinite road of possibilities awaits. I look forward to
Seeing each an everyone of you along the way for a long time.
Just remember, hope… It is what cures the aching heart and delights the dim soul.
Hope is always good.
