I may look on to a pleasing sight, like friends old and new, all gathering together for things such as christmas and new year, or a sunrise that looks as if it had arisen from heaven. But as much joy as i could have experienced over these past few months nothing can ever bring back my passion that she stole away from me.

It’s funny how things go really and what affects you, as in, looking at a photograph of us together does not really sway me as it once did in a vexing manor, or simply hearing her name used to make me feel warm again yet that was not so hard to repress either.

When your guard is up to everything you perceive to be dangerous, i suppose you grow over confident, hence something incredibly small may slip through un- noticed like what i experienced today.

I was looking for a small present for a friend in a shop called build-a-bear where the title basically explains it all. I was simply browsing the shelves for something that may be agreeable as a gift, when i saw it.

A hello kitty doll.

Something she loved, something she liked.

As pathetic as it can be, staring into the plastic black eyes of that tenacious doll, brought everything back, including my feelings for her, and i once again knew what true emotional pain could be.

Consuming rage took over me once more, only fueled by my fresh mourning of her, the angel that left me in the dark, where i deserve to be. I have hated for so long now i cant even focus on what i hate anymore its just a pulse flowing through my corroded veins.

How pathetic after raising my guard to an impenetrable level, where even seeing her again couldn’t sway my soul, a stupid doll speared through.

How ultimately pathetic.