Today was a great day my parents were in town and we went out and did a lot of fun things until it came until dinner time. I decided we should try this restaurant I heard about, but it was kind of far.
I was driving with them in the car to dinner, not sure at all where this place was or how long it would take. We are getting every red light possible. There is something about traffic, stopping, moving, stopping, that makes me really uncomfortable. I feel stuck and out of control. That started to make me anxious followed by nausea which is the first thing I get in panic. We're still driving going along and every half block another long traffic light. This is miserable, I am just thinking I need to either get to where we are going or go back, according to my odometer we only had 5 miles to go so I figured just do it. We finally get there and who the heck knows where we are and the place is closed.
We decide to go back, but I tell my Dad he should drive and find a quicker route. We found a quicker route, but my panic was peaking. It was at the point where any disturbance someone talking, something looking weird, something sounding strange just intensifies the panic. I feel very near being sick, but I held it together barely. I just sat there frozen, like I couldn't move. All I wanted to do was get home. Home=safe. For the next 10 minutes through driving I was experiencing the on and off panic….it would dissipate then peak…etc…those moments where you feel like you'll be OK then the next you're about off the cliff…
I made it home, sent my parents to dinner, and still feel very nauseated. I'm proud of myself today because I did do a lot of things I normally shouldn't have. I probably should of taken another dose of Klonopin before dinner, but I felt fine then, you know how it goes. I mean, when I am in that severe of panic I can't concentrate enough to breathe or I have no way of escape so I just vacillate in it. So, on that note I'll stop dwelling on it. Just figured I'd share, but honestly I'm truly proud of myself the past 2 days I've realized that I can do "normal" activities and ENJOY them, which is nice to know. 🙂