The songs I'm currently listening to are:

Puddle of Mudd-Blurry

Alice in Chains-Junkhead

Harry Nilsson- Without You

Velvet Revolver- Fall to Pieces

Mary J Blidge- Take Me As I Am

Frank Ocean-Novacane

I'm mind fucking myself with everything that's been happening to me currently & within the pass two years. I suffer from Major Depression. I'm addicted to opiates & have been since I was 13 now I'm 18. I've down all kinds of opiates but the ones that I'm hooked on aren't considered opiates because they're OTC. Triple C's & Diphenhydramine. I've been to Rehab 3 times. I overdosed December 12th of 2011 during my intake in Rehab & I can't remember any of it. I dropped out of highschool twice. I failed my GED twice. I have no diploma. I stopped taking my depression medicine. I have a sleeping disorder. My biological mom passed away March 2011 I never got a chance to meet her but I attended the funeral. My grandmother passed away the day I came home after being on suicide watch for 10 days. Drug class? I got kicked out because I was still getting high and I failed 11 piss test. I have legal issues & I could be possibly facing jail time for my charges. I've done alot of things that I'm not proud of but I've been trying to fix them. I really have. The thing that's been helping me everyday is telling myself that if I was supposed to die then I would have died December 12th or 2011 but I'm still here so I must have a purpose. It's not working telling myself this anymore. What do you do when trying your hardest isn't working anymore? What do you do when your reaching out & the all the signs are there & no one cares enough to pay attention? I feel like everyday I am fighting to keep myself alive. I'm losing myself. I'm losing my mind. I've lost my grip on reality. I'm not asking for sympathy. I just need someone that's gonna be there for me & help me through this even if it's just for tonight take my mind off these thoughts.

1 Comment
  1. Deesh 10 years ago

    Thank you. I really appreaciate that dear. 🙂

    0 kudos

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