So apparently I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Maybe I do a bit because I can't seem to find anything I like about my appearance! Since I was about 12 I have absolutely hated the shape of nose, there was a small bump on it which made my nose look big but I was the only one who ever saw anything wrong with it apart from a couple of nasty people when I was younger. At least they're being honest I used to think. So, barely being able to look in the mirror along with depression, anxiety and other mental issues was awful. It became too much for me and my parents couldn't bare to see me like that anymore so they decided they would pay for a nose job despite being so against it. I wanted to do it as soon as possible so I didn't take much time in researching and picking clinics/surgeons.

Last July I went through with it. It cost 10,000 because I had an Open Rhinoplasty which is a very intrusive surgery, really painful recovery. The whole experience was a massive ordeal for me because I can't even leave the house without feeling panicky. I had never had a general anaesthetic and needed to be sedated before getting it because I was extremely anxious. That was 6 months ago. This is probably the main reason I've fallen deeper into this black hole because I went through all that, my parents paid all that money and…….. I have the exact same nose, there is no difference whatsoever, just some swelling. In another 6 months time I can go in for a revision surgery if it still hasn't changed but I don't know whether to go back in for it or sue the surgeon!!

I have suffered a huge amount of emotional/mental stress the past 6 months because he didn't do his job properly! Panic attacks, serious thoughts of suicide and a nervous breakdown to top it off. I remember leaving the hospital after the operation all bandaged up and in a lot of pain but feeling very proud of myself for being able to do it and immensely happy thinking I now have the nose I've always wanted. Little did I know I would be so wrong. 5% of people need to back in for revision surgery. 5!!!! And I'm among that 5%, Of course I am, typical! And people ask me why I'm so negative? I'm trying so hard to cope with it. Yes I have always been depressed but this is the lowest form I've ever experienced.

I can't even show my parents the gratitude they deserve for their financial and emotional support because I'm so torn up over it. I'm angry. I'm upset. Constantly trying to hold back tears while you go about your day is exhausting. It's strange how I can see the beauty in everyone else, but never myself. 

1 Comment
  1. flowermantis 8 years ago

    Hi annalee, I understand your pain, if that was me I would by utterly devastated and so angry too. I know exactly what it's like to be upset over ones appearance, my opinion is presentation is everything,I don't care what anyone says , it's the truth. For me it is anyway. I totally agree that being a decent person with integrity and some intelligence is equally important but how we look in my opinion is important too and we must feel comfortable with it or its very distressing. So don't think you are being dramatic, I think you should discuss the situation very thoroughly with the surgeon and get a very clear picture of the likely result of the revision surgery and if you are not 100 %confident then don't rush in too fast . I am also very anxious of my appearance and there is many things I want to change and can afford some and not others. I'm in the process of having a series of very painful treatments for one condition, expensive too, and going for another type of treatment on my face this Saturday. Other things I must accept due to expense issues. I'm sure you are a very pretty woman, and like me ppl tell you this, but we just can't see it, yet others we see as beautiful. I am wishing the very best for you and take comfort in knowing you are not alone. All the best
    Flowermantis

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