Hi there, the names Kai. I’m a fucked up, married, 27 year old from Texas. I struggle with depression, ocd, addiction and identity confusion. I love animals, anime, cooking, reading, nerd stuff and anything kawaii.
I decided to experiment with the tribe and see if I can maybe find some insight and gain clarity. Figured if I needed to open up and gain some perspective, why not do it with like minded individuals?
I’m a pretty mellow individual on the outside and rather twisted on the inside. Nothing too alarming. Mostly a rapid fire of self hate. I have self harm history. I hardly think about cutting anymore. As I’ve gotten older I became too impatient to self harm and have attempted the grand finale a few times. Luckily I failed. I’m working on moving past that mindset.
Currently, it’s self identity that’s haunting me. I am unhappily married but that really has nothing to do with any of it. I think I’m gay. But who knows. Fml. Those feeling emerged maybe two years ago…when I met someone. And it caused a domino effect.
Recently I was assualted by my older brother in my own home and my family basically abandoned me because he went to jail. He was drunk and blacked out. My fat ass was sitting watching some Korean tv drama and the motherfucker broke down my door and went at me like a madman. I never felt so defenseless. But I’m at fault right? I haven’t talked to them in two months. On top of that my husband sucks at being human and lacks a lending ear. He hated them so this is all of a relief to him.
I don’t even know how to begin working in myself. Sorry for the abrupt poorly written intro. Impatience and drinking don’t mix. I really just want to be happy or even just function a little bit better.