I hadn't had a good friend in years. Sad but, true. It was so nice to have one. I hadn't had a boyfriend in years. Also, sad but, true. That was great also. Now, I guess I have lost them both in one sweep. Definitely sad.
I'd take his friendship over nothing though. Like I told him when we were together – I'd rather have him far away than not at all. Well, now I'd rather have him as a friend than not at all.
Just a week ago, I was listening to all the love songs and signing along. I even sang without music. Now, I hear all the sad love songs and cry, or at least want to.
I don't understand why I am taking this so hard. We weren't very serious but, we were close. The loss of friendship hurts even more than the loss of his affection. Why? Because he was my best friend.
For so long I wouldn't look for a relationship because I needed to work on me. He changed that. I found myself able to work on myself with him. I wish he'd let me do the same for him.
Regardless of if we ever speak again, I am grateful. He was there when I needed a friend. He taught me more than he could possibly know. I am much more confident in my own skin because of him. I have less social anxiety. I am happier with myself.
All my recent blogs have been about him. If that annoys anyone, I apologize. But, he made me happy and then took that away.
I know I shouldn't look for my happiness in others. But, I hadn't been happy in so very long until I met him.
I hope I at least touched him in some way. Made an impact, even if ever so small. I hope he doesn't forget me.
Will I look for another friendship? Another relationship? No, I won't. I am confidant the people who are meant to be my friends will become them. I am confidant my soul mate will find me.
Lesson learned – Don't give your heart away too quickly. But, if I hadn't, I wouldn't have known that happiness, no matter how short lived.