Sitting in my room. In the silence, wondering why know one ever stays in my life. I never understand why things happen to me. I loved him. He was the only thing that i every ask for and it was taken away from me. I often ask god why he does this to me and i get no answer. I pray to god every night asking him to please give me him back and i hope god does. I cant go a day without feeling empty inside like i dont deserve to have people like me, i deserve to be alone. I feel like my friends and everyone else is all to real, i dont deserve to have people want to talk to me, i dont deserve to have a boyfriend or friends, i should simply sit at home alone, week and weekends. For 3 years, i isolated myself from society, and had no one. You may not believe it, but i like being alone. You dont have to expect things from other people. Lonliness is a feeling i am use to and no how to cope with it, although, sometimes i do breakdown. But doesnt everyone? I dont see how people go through life with problems but can deal with it so easly, they just look at it like its nothing and i always overreact….right? Is it overreacting? or is it me being depressed and so stressed? I dont know. When a problem comes up in my life and i cant deal with it, i do what i know ill save me for awhile, Pills. They have gotten me through so much and theres no way i could just stop taking them. When i get depressed, i dont just feel sad. I feel hopeless, tired of trying, empty, alone. I dont even know what to do. Sometimes i get so overwhelmed that i have to leave class and take a breather. Depression ruins my life so much. But one thing i can say is, depression is the only thing i know, im use to, so if i were to just suddenly become happy, i wouldnt know what to do because i havent been legit happy in forever. Depression is something fimilar, happiness isnt.