Sitting in my room. In the silence, wondering why know one ever stays in my life. I never understand why things happen to me. I loved him. He was the only thing that i every ask for and it was taken away from me. I often ask god why he does this to me and i get no answer. I pray to god every night asking him to please give me him back and i hope god does. I cant go a day without feeling empty inside like i dont deserve to have people like me, i deserve to be alone. I feel like my friends and everyone else is all to real, i dont deserve to have people want to talk to me, i dont deserve to have a boyfriend or friends, i should simply sit at home alone, week and weekends. For 3 years, i isolated myself from society, and had no one. You may not believe it, but i like being alone. You dont have to expect things from other people. Lonliness is a feeling i am use to and no how to cope with it, although, sometimes i do breakdown. But doesnt everyone? I dont see how people go through life with problems but can deal with it so easly, they just look at it like its nothing and i always overreact….right? Is it overreacting? or is it me being depressed and so stressed? I dont know. When a problem comes up in my life and i cant deal with it, i do what i know ill save me for awhile, Pills. They have gotten me through so much and theres no way i could just stop taking them. When i get depressed, i dont just feel sad. I feel hopeless, tired of trying, empty, alone. I dont even know what to do. Sometimes i get so overwhelmed that i have to leave class and take a breather. Depression ruins my life so much. But one thing i can say is, depression is the only thing i know, im use to, so if i were to just suddenly become happy, i wouldnt know what to do because i havent been legit happy in forever. Depression is something fimilar, happiness isnt.

1 Comment
  1. YaminoKaaten 8 years ago

    Listen to what I have to say: you have more potential in life than just wanting to be alone all the time.  Letting yourself go to waste.  Dieing inwardly.  I may not know you, but the way you wrote this, it reminds me of myself.  How I always want to keep others away.

    The only difference is that I actually believe in others.  Right now, your keeping yourself in such a tight box, you can't really see how much everyone else is trying to get to you.  That's the depression acting, not you!  Maybe you can't see it, and maybe your thinking, "What does this person know?  He hasn't gone through what I have to," but there are so many of us that have, even worse.

    I know why you would think that.  And I won't agree to pills all the time.  They only work for a while.  Once the effect is gone, and you run out of them, where can you run?  You're back at what you hoped to escape.  You always have been.

    Please, at least try to break out of this.  If not now, at least sometime.  If I have to, I'll find you, so that we can break out of our suffering together.

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