The last three days I have been feeling great. I have got all my shit done – my house is immaculate I have spoke to people I have shut out and I feel so good. But know I am so hyper I cant slow down – I feel like I am going to crash and burn out. I am so hyperfocused its not funny. I dont know what to do with all my extra energy. haha! (I am on EBAY looking at wool FFS!) I am paniking because I want this wool so bad – I think I cant get it because its really expensive retail (like $18 a ball) and Its purple my favourite colour too. OMFG. OMFG. ARRRGGGHHH! (The agony! It doesnt end for another four days – so now I feel like I am going to be online every second to get my wool – I’m going to have the worst anxiety I know!

I have insomnia still really bad – I got about four hours last night – I just couldnt drift off. I lay awake thinking of a million things, then I try all these different exercises and I keep thinking about everything. Mainly shit though. I hate it. Why wont my mind shut the fuck up? I want to tape it up. This is why being on Dex is great because it wipes out all my ‘white noise’ and I just am normal, but I refuse to go on meds (for both dep/adhd until I have stopped breatfeeding.)

I went cold turkey when I found out I was pregs (I was on Lexapro) and I think I made the right choice. I went through withdrawls and the stress! OMFG! my hair fell out 🙁 it so thin and discusting hey. I just hate it – I chopped it all off and inch short last month, it looks ridiculous, but I feel like it feels so much more healthy. I was too scared to see a hairdresser – I hate talking to people like that because I think if they fuck up I will kill them. It just makes my anxiety worse. I am also scared to use my telephone. FUCK! What is wrong with me? hahaha!

My first blog. A bit of shite out of my system.
Ahhh better 🙂

Oh yeah – this is the wool I am pissing my pants over. God its nice.

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1 Comment
  1. brokenfairy_38 15 years ago

    Hey girl!! Sounds like you’re in a manic stage right now. I too wish I could get my mind to shut down and shut the *F…* up so I can go to sleep too! It gets so crazy at times that I truely think that’s it I’ve lost it for sure now. When I was breatfeeding my sons,I too went off all my meds, I am a great supporter of breatfeeding there’s nothing any better that you give to a wee one than that I think. I see you like crocheting, ME TOO! I just love it. Got any great patterns? my fav is crocheting afghans big, med, small and baby doesn’t matter I like them all. I too cross stitch but rarely ever finish one because I always get going good then about in the middle of it I lose where I’m at because I’ve gone crossed eyed looking at it. .. lol .. Though when I’m busy making an afghan I don’t have as many panic attacks, but if I’m having a panic attack I can’t work on it I always mess it up then have to take it all out and start all over again. I hate that don’t you? Well, I hope you get your purple yarn and get to feeling better soon. … Again welcome to the club, glad you are here. … Kim

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