Ashley was a good happy child. Very smart and sociable. Me, her, and her sister had a fun, trusting , lovinglife.  She has had 3 children and after getting pregnant from the very first time..she started to change her perception of reality. It has taken about 9 years for me to see the patterns. She would get extremely emotional and blame all kinds of things on me….then a few weeks or a month.. she would act like nothing was wrong and nothing had happened. So did the rest of her family. We were just thankfull the episode was over.  After this third pregnancy she has been mad at me for almost  6 months and desnt seem to be relenting this time.  Some examples of her changing reality :::

1.we were a good family unit….now she says we never were               2.her step- mother was mean to her….now she says, that was ok because it was all her own fault. ( not true…but now the woman has breast cancer, so Ashley has changed her perception of  how she feels about the step- mother… lately Ash has been thinking that I made her step-mother be mean to her. ( she isnt sure)             3. For the last 5 years Ash has been married to a really  wonderful guy.  She seemed very happy and stable and loving, it was a relief toall of us, because she use to date guys with emotional disorders and no jobs… (she allways felt she could FIX these guys). She had a third child  this past March. During her pregnancy she cheated on her husband and has decided that she needs to set him free that he can find the woman he really needs to be married to. Needless to say he is devastated….   She says" they were never really happy anyway"  .. everyone thought they were.. I really believe they were !!!!  But her "friend who needed her more"  helped convice her that she was not happy.        4.  I practically raised her first child who is going on 10 now.  I have been a great grand mother …lots of fun lots of love !!!  Ash has used them to punish me when she is mad.  They can be with me… then they cant….then they can… right now I have not been able to see them for  several months.  Now Ash is saying I need to go to counseling or she wont ever let me see them.  Her main reason  for ME to go to counceling is so that I can learn to communicate with her better and see things her way.   She says she is jelouse of me and her kids, because I love them more than her. ( which is kind of true right at this moment)   She says it is not fair that I get to have all the fun with them while she has to act as the mother. So her remedy is to keep us apart. She makes her daughter go to the other grand parents EVERY weekend,  but not to see me. I know that little girl misses me as much as I miss her ! She loves her other grand parents but spent a lot of time with me.  When I asked Ash how she can do this without even feeling bad about it …. with total disregard to our feelings… she just demands that her demands be met or else. She insists that we all need to realize that only she is right.

   I dont know this person….she is not the daughter I raised.  Most of my family just tells me to let it ride till she gets over it..  This person she has become doesnt respect me at all or care about my feelings. She was not like this before.   I really feel she is not going to just get over it this time… she has made some HUGE and shocking decisions for all our lives.

  Do these symptoms sound familiar to anyone ? What can I say or do to make my REAL daughter come back ???


  1. WadeAlexander72 13 years ago

    I”m very sorry to hear about this.  Sometimes people just change on you unexpectedly and there”s nothing you can really do about it but let them ride it out. It”s unfortunate that you have to be put through the wringer though. That would be hard to take.

    Your daughter sounds like a very unhappy woman and I suspect it may be that deep down inside she”s "angry" at the world, herself, etc for what”s happened in her life. (I may be totally wrong though, I”m sure there are others here who may be better at helping you than I could).

    Family can really put you through hell.

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  2. NSydeMe 13 years ago


    it”s ok to love ash, but not ok for her to use the kids to hurt u (and them too).  let her know you love her, always will.  but you will not let her blackmail you or hold u hostage through the kids.  the kids know you love them, but it”s mom”s decision.   its reallllllly hard to do, but needed to do

    hope ash gets some help–not a doc, but maybe she”s bi polar or somethin

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