Hello everyone. I just joined today because honestly – I have no one else who I can talk to and I feel like I’ve been betrayed so I can’t rely on those close to me like I used to anymore. To start off with I have Autism – not the issue I want to vent on but makes it a little easier to understand what comes next – and while I can function day to day I tend to inwardly struggle with anxiety and bouts of depression that tends to be taken lightly by my family. What can be simple for others can be emotionally harder for me to deal with which can make people think I am exaggerating or being dramatic when really these emotions can be too much for me to deal with in the moment. I’ve tried explaining this to people – even my own family – before but even though they SAY they believe and understand I can tell in their eyes they don’t and it hurts worse. Its hitting harder today because I had from an outsider’s view a small disagreement with my mom about me not telling her about rejecting job offers for “petty” reasons but to me she had sounded like she was accusing and a tad harsh more than usual. Even worse my sister was the one who had told her and I’d texted her about how I wasn’t happy about that and she apologized for it. However she apparently talked to our mother right after and it was made to sound like I was being dramatic and a coward for not voicing my feelings and what she said. I just felt complete betrayal from my own sister for telling her something that was between us and now I’m not sure I can trust her the same about things like this in the future. I still love my sister but this hurt – especially since she has never actually done something like this before. And knowing them, they will just forget about it and move on while I’ll be stuck with this guilty feeling for a long while. During my high school years I was secretly going through a suicidal/depressive state where I wanted to cut myself but somehow talked myself out of it and now I find myself going through that phase again . I can slowly feel my world crumbling around me and its been hard staying positive during the pandemic. I was happy when I was working because  I was able to be a bit more independent for once in my life and it was because of my own skills. After moving back to the states a little after Christmas I’ve had a hard time finding a job and my confidence has taken a huge hit as a result which started a domino effect of all my emotions going down to my current state. Sorry for the long post but this is the only way I can think of to truly express myself since I’m more alone than what I originally thought