I just found out i lost my dad around 3:15 P.M. today. I know nothing so far, other than he died this morning. I’m lost. I’m broken. We’ve had our differences but he will always be my dad no matter what and i will always love him. Hearing the news that he was gone just doesnt seem real. I broke. I’m still broke. It’s not real, it cant be. Im just emotionally torn. I dont know what to do. This is the first time I’ve lost a family member i was close to. As i type this, im crying. It’s been on and off ever since i found out. Mainly on, but nothing new. It was hard telling my mom. It’s gonna be hard until i face the reality. Until I see he’s really gone, im not believing it. I probably wont believe it afterwards. I just cant believe he’s gone. I feel like it’s my fault though. I was bad and i didnt mean to be. I just had my issues. Me only being 17 and my dad not seeing me graduate, get my birthday and become an adult, start a family, get married…. it doesnt seem real. Im not hungry. Im not thirsty. Im not tired. IM NUMB. I dont know what else to do…. he raised me. He was my everything. And now im sitting here like wow….. this is partially my fault. I couldve been better for him. I couldve done better for him. I regret putting him through what i put him through. I dont even know how he died, when he’ll be buried or cremated, anything about his will…. i know nothing other than that he’s gone, and i cant do anything about it. I wish i could hug him. Tell him I love him. be there with him and be his little girl again. I feel so hopeless right now. I feel so lost. I feel like nothing. I just want my dad.

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