My name is Connor, I'm 17, good-looking kid, never had problems as a child, i was always good at making friends, but now.. alot has changed. You may say, "wow this kid is just looking for attention" but really im looking for feedback. When I was 12 years old my father left without any recognition and havent seen him since. My mother, who is an anxiety-striken alcoholic, thinks the world is out to get her. My brother had mental problems as a kid but he is doing great now hesin school, has a girlfriend/car. Me? i dont know what to tell you.. I started doing drugs at 13 and still continue to do so, my grades went to shit because i either didnt show up to class or was too high to remember what i learned. I lost alot of friends due to drugs. Out of everyone ive met in my lifetime i have about 3 or 4 close friends that actually care about me.

I think entirely too much it may evenbe classified as a disorder the way i think. I think about killing myself, what i woulddo, how i would do it etc. Lately, my depression has caused my friends to not want to hangout with me and honestlyi dont blame them.

my life has recently come to a point where its become routine, i wake up at 3 or 4 in the afternoon, literally having to drag myself out of bed because i dont want to face the day, after i wake up i do school work (currently homeschooled) ill do this for about 4-5 hours and by the time im done with everything its 9 or 10 pm so i havent been seeing my friends as much as id like to. And then, after all of that, i stay up all night and think. i think about everything. and especiallyat night my mind likes towander to deepest/darkest crevice of my mind. i think about my death, i literally plan it out in my head, i knowits kind offucked up for someone soyoung to think like thisbut iam too tired phsyically/mentally to do anything about it.

I am a different kind of monster, I feed on myself. I am tucked away in the daylight, and only come out at night.