Yesturday someone got angry on the phone with me as she knew people who had serious illnesses leading to dying in the near future. I was made to feel bad for being depressed as I guess my case is not as serious as theirs and they still had a positive outlook on life. In the end the person had to stop speaking with me. So yes I can understand their view but that does not mean that anyone with less than life threatening illnesses is not entitled to feel down or even depressed. I never chose to feel like this and I am a positive person. It reminded me why I have been reluctant to share my experiences with people who dont really understand what people go through who dont appear to have any physical illness. My heart goes out to those with terminal illnesses, but just because they are more extream cases than me and that perhaps I should feel lucky to be alive I dont believe it makes me feel instantly better by comparison.
I dont feel able to work as has been the case for some time now. I dont feel like I am as strong a person inside as I used to be. Many days I dont even feel like leaving the house and Im not so good at talking with people any more face to face.
One of my main struggles even over the years is actually admitting I have problems in myself and am not just imagining it all. It is not just a question of going out and getting a job as I have too much time on my hands. If someone thinks that I dont know how lucky I am, well I am fortunate in many ways but that does not change the daily struggles I have just to function and cope with my life. Added to this I am single and alone for much of the time. Let those judge who actually know what it is like to be in my situation. I have been worn down over many years by others and various situations and struggles. I am a fraction of my former life.
Actually I have never tried to harm anyone. I have always tried to be polite and friendly to others. I usually help others where I can too. I do not ask from others what I can do without or what I dont need. I am a quiet, sometimes shy person who does not draw attention to himself. Some people make a loud noise and ask everyone to help them, being the centre of attention.
Life is hard for many people but at least if we understand each other more, we have a chance of all getting on better.