I can’t remember if the last time I was a member on Depression Tribe if it was this inactive. The groups on here are almost non-existent so I’m thinking of removing myself from that. I guess places like MySpace is used much more as a social place, but since D. T. is of one common goal I’d have thought it would be more active.
Oh, well. I think, like I said in my first post, that I’m just going to use this place to try to keep myself grounded. Ramble about things, and so on. . .
In any case: I slept until about five P. M. yesterday (since it’s after four in the morning now). I don’t think the huge coffee I had is helping me. The only thing I had to eat were some stir-fried veggies. I’m feeling a bit hungry and faint, but lack of funds and lack of will both makes it difficult to think of eating now.
I want tomorrow to be a better day. College is ticking down so I need to get organized by finishing straightening my bedroom up and selecting my classes. I think I’ll be taking Spanish this term. I’m excited and scared. I’m still used to home-schooling, and being in a class-room environment stresses me out and makes me incredibly tense. I’m excited, though, since I love foreign languages.
This weekend my half-sister wants me to go out with her and her boyfriend to eat. Ha, free food is good, but I’ve never really met him before, and I’m a bit unsure of how I feel about this. I just want her happy, but I know it’s going to make me feel incredibly awkward, and probably lonely on my own behalf.
Our mother is suppose to come to, but I know she won’t. She’s been pretty mean to my half-sister just because she didn’t approve of her staying the night at her boyfriend’s place last weekend because the weather was bad. (My half-sister is in her thirties for crying out loud!) My half-sister was crying almost all night the other day, and it’s so hard on me because her and I may not always get along (as we surely didn’t when I was younger) but she’s one of the nicest people in the world and she does so much for me and our mother that she shouldn’t be made to feel bad about something that wasn’t even bad! It’s nonsensical to me. Then again, my mother is pretty nonsensical. . .
I’m feeling pretty ill at the moment, physically. My pulse is racing and I feel generally, hm, unwell in the head and chest area. I really need to give-up the caffeine or try to find a middle-ground. I had planned to drink some coffee so I could finish my room cleaning tonight, but guess what? I sat down-stairs and watched television. I watched L.A. Ink. Why, why, why, why did I watch that show? “Oh my god, like, that‘s so totally awesome. Yeah, for sure. Like, oh my god, yeah. That‘s so cool. Super. Hook me up. I wanna baby. Awesome. Boob job. Totally. Like.” It passed the time, though . . ., and it wasn’t really that bad. I’m not the biggest L. A. fan, though, nor do tattoos interest me. I used to do some scarification, but that’s another life-time ago. . . Maybe.
Crud, it’s so late in the morning. Here’s to sleeping until five again! Woo! Actually, I’ll try to be productive so my next post actually can reflect it. That’s my short-term goal.